Six Words... Only Six??

Thanks to Kerri - as always...

The challenge: write a six word memoir.

The(ir) ma(th)(p) of (ho)me is compl(icated)(ex).


Here are the rules:

Write your own six word memoir;
Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like;
Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere;
Tag at least five more blogs with links; and
Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

OK, I think most have been tagged, but I'll draft Kassie, George, Sandra, Autumn, and Paige.

Debates - J for Jailbait

You know the internal debates we have? Eat that. Don't Eat that. Exercise. Don't Exercise.

That food is jailbait. No it's not. Ask it for Carb ID before you eat it. No need to do that... Just make a SWAG.

That's what today's post at Blogabetes is about... Please check it out.

I.... Wish....

I hope you'll check out Blogabetes today. Where I Write. And I Wish.

And the alphabetical onslaught continues....

With H... And some How-Tos at Blogabetes today.

Please take a moment to check it out....

Reflections

A few weeks ago, I attended a play at the Theater where I work with Julia, Kerri, and Shannon. It was a great day. And an excellent play. I've been meaning to write about it for awhile.

Please check out Blogabetes for a start. More to come - probably here...

The Gym and Maintaining Balance

Hope you'll shoot on over to Blogabetes today for a new post!

It's all about balance.

And a little about G. For Gym.

Meter Codes

Meter Codes...

When I'm low you vex me.

Can you someone please explain why the meter companies can't just make all their strips have ONE code?

Pick a random number - I don't care - a 4 would do. And 4 is my least favorite number.

Just make it so I don't have to remember to change the code. Every. Single. Time.

I know, I know, there are machines that have no coding... But those machines aren't covered by my insurance company. So that sucks.

How about just picking 4? And making it the number?

Can someone do that please? Me and my 32 mg/dl would be forever grateful.

Not About Diabetes

It's not about diabetes today over at Blogabetes. It's about freedom. Please take a look.

The Eyes Have It...

Cliche' I know.

If you want - take a look at the newest in the A-B-C series at Blogabetes...

If You're Inclined...

Dash on over to Blogabetes and Dine on today's Dish... Featuring the letter D. Desperate or Growing more Determined??

Cannula and Small Things

Please check out a post today at Blogabetes...

About the small things that represent lives lived well.

In Honor of My Favorite Basketcase

A post over at Blogabetes today... B is for Basketcase. Or Blood sugar Basketcase...

Simple as ABC

I've got a post up over at Blogabetes... One in a series of twenty-six... Starting with A-ccountability...

Hope you'll check it out... Here!

Suss-Awesome

A thank you to Chris at the Big D - who sent me this in a Sussy!:



I am a BIG Ramones fan, but this is one disk I'd never purchased for myself - so I'm thrilled to have it!

Thank you!

And a note to my Sussy recipient - who shall for now remain nameless - I had to re-send your sussy as it came back to me the first time. It was sent priority mail today... Apologies.

And more gratitude - to Amylia and Beth for setting this up - so much fun!

Just One Word

This post clepped from Beth and Amylia, who are both incredible, by the way.

The rules:

Use one word to describe me … just one single word.

Leave it in my comments.

Then post this message on your blog and see how many strange and interesting things people say about you!

How Do Our Bodies Do This?

Please check out my post today at Blogabetes.

It's about a low bloodsugar - but it's more about the marvels of the human body.

I apologize

For the short hiatus. I'm back, for now.

Friends welcome here.

Good sort of bad....

It's a good sort of bad when you realize pretty much all of your bras and underwear are way too big for you.

I have to shop for those kinda things soon.

That is all.

Address Collection

So... I am bad at sending Christmas Cards. And have resorted to the idea of sending Valentines this year.

Would you guys please email me your addresses? I need exact places to send these things.

Thank you. N

This Time Of Year

This time of year brings a flood of feeling for me. Both joyous - you know, watching my nephews and niece open their Christmas surprises and not so joyous - missing those who've gone and who I miss with all of my heart.

My Nana Helen is one of those people. She was amazing. She gave me so much in the time I had with her. She's pictured below. And in the other photo with her, my Papa Bob (she married him the summer I was born, the photo is from that day) and my Grammie Carrell. Grammie Carrell could play poker, smoked like a chimney and had the most incredible sense of humor. I remember at my brother's high school graduation dinner, when my dad got his wallet out to pay, she cracked the whole place up saying "I saw the moths fly out of there."

What I wouldn't do to have them back.

Love-Hate

I had another insulin pump failure last weekend. Ugh. Thankfully, Smiths Medical bent over backwards to be sure that I got a replacement quickly. Big kudos to them for incredible customer service.

Anyhow, the failure got me thinking about the Love Hate Relationship I have with this device, and I write about it at Blogabetes today. Hope you'll check it out.

New Job, Excitement - and Notes

So, I started my new job on Wednesday. Some glitches put my start off from Monday. Let's just say - parking is an issue in the city and I got caught off guard when my new employer told me - the day before I was scheduled to start - that they don't provide parking for their employees. After much ado, I decided to take the job and muscle through a winter of a 4/10 of a mile walk in the morning and evening. The recent cold has made for a chilly, but certainly energizing jaunt to and from work! The neighborhood isn't exactly ritzy, but I've found I'm alright, given the number of people who make the walk at the same time I'm making it.

On my first night at the theater - I attended the Opening Night performance and after party for Kathleen Tolan's The Memory House. The play is amazing - with Anne Scurria and Susannah Flood giving mind-blowing performances and our Artistic Director Curt Columbus keeping the focus on their performances with a spare set and costuming... I wrote the following the day after -

There was something electric about this performance for me. I could feel it from the opening scene. A mother coming home, with memories of her daughter running through her head. She is strong but she is weary, she is resigned to her circumstance but filled with regret. It could have been my mother.

In the first moments of dialogue, I am quickly reminded of my angst-ridden teenage self. Filled with loose, quivery energy that had no place to go - feeling on the verge of something amazing, but stuck in a self that felt too-small, too-confused, too-undefined.

And I recall an intense, heated conversation had with my mother during my sophomore year of high school. My mother, insistent that I'd go to college. And me, all-knowing teenage goddess that I was, insistent that college wasn't for me.

"I don't want you to make the same mistakes I made." She screamed.

"I don't want to make YOUR mistakes, mom. I want to make MINE. Now leave me alone. Please." I snapped back, wheeling out the door and slamming it shut behind me.

Last night at the theater found me back then. On that spring afternoon. With my mother and her love for me spilling from her every pore - wanting for me every advantage she never had. And me and my want to struggle - to be something, anything but loved by my mother - someone that seemed so ALIEN to me, so different from me.

And now, all these years later, brought back. Sitting in the theater and realizing the gifts my mother gave me then - and the ones she gives me now. The sacrifices she made those years ago, the hurt she shouldered when this person she loved was nothing but angry with her, judgmental about her choices, and disgusted by her advice. How did she keep on? How did she get past my tantrums and the hurtful words I tossed at her? How did she stay confident in me, even when I disappointed myself? My mother gave me the gifts of patience, true unbridled love, and most importantly - the persistent demand that I make the most of myself. And my mother gives me nothing less now - and continues to demand nothing less of me.

What happened for me - and for others, I'm sure, during last night's performance, is the true beauty of theater and the arts. Theater can bring us back to starting points - or transport us to a place we've not yet seen. It can make us think in new ways about where we've been - or where we'd like to go. It can give us time for self-reflection and change our perspective altogether. Excellent writing and amazing performance can make us see, with extraordinary clarity, that our experience, though it belongs to us alone, might not be unique. Theater makes us realize both the common strings we share - the ones that we pay little attention to but that tie us to the people in our lives AND the strings we've never seen because they're not a part of our consciousness - but that cleave us to people with whom we thought we shared nothing.

So the scoop is this. I am stoked to be in an enviroment that feeds my creativity. I am floored by a boss who values my opinion and relies on me to be the expert when it comes to the Annual Fund piece of our fundraising efforts. I'm thrilled to be working with an amazing staff - in my real debut as a supervisor (I've only ever had one staff member work with me at a time) - I'm hoping I make as cool a boss as I think I do... (LOL).

And I am privileged to be working for a crown jewel of the Theater Arts scene.

In a word - this is AWESOME!

Think on Things

I've answered this question several times in comments, but folks don't seem to be getting the answer.

If you aren't an invited reader at Think On Things - and you would like to be - you need to send me an email address so that I can add you. The email address should be affiliated with google, gmail, or blogger.

More Here...

A little more here...

Think On Things

Thens and Nows and Babies

Over at Blogabetes today, I've got two posts up.

One is about Diabetes "Thens and Nows."

The other is about people who relate every life-decision, physical ailment, or mood swing I have to diabetes - and about baby-having the person with diabetes.

Please swing over and check them out!

Another Something Here...

Think On Things - again, this one is mine.

Wow....

A piece of prose today by a new author at Think on Things. Beth contributed this piece - prepare to say "WOW," among other things.

At Think On Things

A new poem by yours truly.

Oh Yeah!!!

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving! And land up in the recliner - passed out on joy and turkey.

More here - if you're interested.

Food! Oh, how I love thee... And hate thee...

Over at Blogabetes today, I make a compromise with a piece of cake. I'm sure the cake would have been yummy, if it hadn't come with a side of calorie and insulin-dosing guilt.

Immersed in Talent

Please drop by Think on Things and have a look. There's another incredible author - and another incredible piece up there.

Seven is my lucky number

Gina tagged me to do the following! Thank you, Gina.

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post

I erased the last rule because I am kind of lazy.

My 7 random facts:

1. I have never driven a stick shift. Well, I have never driven one with any kind of success. At all. I have tried once or twice, but landed up bucking back and forth and getting nowhere.

2. When I was six, I refused to eat any white food. No milk, no white cheese, no white bread. Nothing white. During this time, I developed an affinity for mint chocolate chip ice cream.

3. I lived in a converted chicken coop for eight months.

4. My favorite song ever is She Talks to Rainbows by The Ramones. I'm not sure why, but it is my favorite. It's probably the MOST obscure Ramones tune, but it's awesome.

5. I believe that in a past life I was either a drop of water in a raging sea or some kind of sea creature/animal. Those connections you can't explain - I have one with large bodies of water like rivers that open to the sea and oceans.

6. My first REAL word was "jail." I was seven or eight months old when I said it. Shortly thereafter, I started speaking other REAL words. But, "jail" is what I would say when my mom asked me where daddy was. My dad was a cop, thankfully, not a perp. When I say REAL words - I mean other than mama, dada, poop, etc. Jail was the first word I said in real response to a question. Or so my mother tells it.

7. Also when I was a kid (I'm stuck on the past tonight), my father took us out in a canoe onto Lake Winnipasaukee in New Hampshire. When we were out in the middle of the Lake, he thought it might be funny to shout "shark." I promptly exited the canoe, jumping in to the Lake. With the "shark." I wouldn't have made it through Jaws. Yeah, yeah... I wasn't that bright. But it's a funny fact - no?

I tag: Kerri, Kit, Shannon, Amylia, Rachel, Julia, and Hannah

Another New Voice

For those with access, another new author makes an appearance today at Think on Things.

Please visit.

Extraordinary...

Don't forget to scroll down and read this!!!

But, when you're done... Take a look at Think On Things. Kit's post there yesterday got me thinking that I've left it to itself for too long.

Today got me thinking about these lyrics from Fiona Apple:

Do I so worry you, you need to hurry to my side?
It's very kind
But it's to no avail; I don't want the bail
I promise you, everything will be just fine

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

And the lyrics got me writing. So, please check it out!

World Diabetes Day

As so many of you know, today is World Diabetes Day.

I've written a post over at Blogabetes - here's a sample... Please check out the rest...

I am on the floor of my brother's living room. My three year old nephew in my lap. He is reading to me about elephants and tigers, complete with animal sound effects. His body presses against my insulin pump, which in turn presses against my hip. I had almost forgotten that diabetes sits with me, even in these gorgeous, irreplacable moments. An unwelcome resident of my body, my mind, and my heart.

A little later, my nephew comes out of his bedroom and stands in the middle of the kitchen. He has a block tucked into the waistband of his pants. He pulls it out and starts pushing imaginary buttons.

I ask "What are you doing, Milton?"

"Giving my medicine, like Aunty Coley," he responds

MORE

A New Voice

A new voice - at Think on Things.

Do take a look.

The Ties That Bind

My mom made the blanket pictured above. It reminds me of all of you. The people that come here and read this blog. Those of you who write about your own experiences. All of you, your own unique and lovely stitch in this online community.

I hope you'll take a look at this post over at Blogabetes. It's about you - my invisible internet friends - and how very real you are to me.

Take THAT - On misconceptions, shoes, free things, and thank you...

When I was fifteen, I had a bully inform me that I'd never be able to wear heeled shoes without my feet falling off because I had D-I-A-beeedddeeesss (yes that's how he said it, the idiot) Even then, I knew not to try to inform those who were that ignorant - so I let it go.

But my obession with having shoes - of all kinds - and with wearing heels - just grew and grew from that day forward. It was my defining foot moment. Maybe other women out there had a moment like that - when you knew that you were destined to own more shoes than you could ever, ever need.

Most of my friends know about my shoe fetish. And recently, one of them, made at least one wild dream come true. Read: designer!! Famous designer!!

The shoe fairy presented me with these three pairs of shoes (well one pair of boots, two pairs of shoes) And yes, readers, one of those shoe soles says "Prada" - GAHHHH! Prada shoes - $600 shoes - for FREE - GAHHHH! They are all gorgeous.

So, thank you, Lil. You are truly the greatest. And my feet love you for proving that bully wrong. Kisses and hugs galore come your way in my imagination. Now, fly here, so I can do it for real.

Check them out:

Job News - Post News - News News!

So - I took a new job in Providence. I am THRILLED TO PIECES. I start December 3rd. Wish me luck!

Read more about the arduous process of making career changes when you're worried about benefits over at Blogabetes today.

That's it for news. Another post later on about shoes. Yes shoes. I know. I need to get over the shoes. But. I. Can't. Help. It.

Get your Punk on....

So ladies and gents... I write about the nightlife at Blogabetes today.



But I also write about getting through - and the friends that make it possible.



And a couple of my favorite bands.





Cheap Wine and Cigarettes??? all around. OK, maybe not so much.

Free Rice

I found this over at SUM with Kerri - thank you!!!

Free Rice - you can play a fun online word game - and at the same time you'll be helping to "earn" donated rice to help feed hungry people. So - go there today - you might learn something - and you'll certainly find yourself feeling pretty good about having made a difference.

Writing it Down

I've had many bosses who've lived by the motto "If it's not (the phone call, the meeting, etc) in the database, it didn't happen." Don't I wish that were true of some bloodsugars... Even if I don't write them down, they've still happened. Of course, not keeping a log does make it easier to pretend that lousy numbers don't exist...

I write more about this at Blogabetes today - check it out if you like...

Surrender

This may surprise you.

But some days I feel like throwing up the white flag.

Cowering in a corner.

Some days I'm just too tired, too emotional, and too angry to go on.

Some days I give up.

Today is one of those days.

*****EDIT*****

Turns out - there is no surrender. Not on this battlefield....

I appreciate very much your words of support - and love - they helped me to realize the above. Again.

Awesome...

It was such a great day for the JDRF walk in Providence. And Team Six Until Me was on the scene again. Read more here (not up as of 9:13 on Sunday - but I bet a million dollars there will be something there soon) or at Blogabetes!

Awesome.

By Request...

I cannot believe I am still up at 3am. Especially given that tomorrow, I have to meet Kerri and Shannon for the Providence JDRF Walk. But I can't sleep... So here I am.

Tonight was awesome... And as promised, Amylia, a photo of the outfit... I'm disappointed, you can't really see the shoes... And really, I think the whole outfit is cuter in person.

Also - this photo made me realize how much my body has changed over the past few months - I might need to rethink my clothing purchases - I'm pretty sure I can be getting away with things that are a bit more fitted.

Addicted

I think I might be addicted to buying shoes.

I DO love fashion. Of all kinds. I am tres' disappointed with the Simply Vera Wang collection at Kohls, though. Most of it is loose and flowy (read: does nothing to compliment anything but a wiry frame, and even then, not so much), like this:



And what isn't loose and flowy looks a little like something Sister Mary Catherine would wear... Ala this:



Not to mention that the colors are just blah. Too much oatmeal, too much grey, too much blech.

BUT - and this is where my shoe addiction becomes important - because I really didn't NEED another pair of shoes - I HAD to buy these today:



The photo doesn't even do them justice. They are so freaking cute. And I'm going to wear them with the most adorable cobalt blue baby-dollish type dress and black opaque tights on Saturday night... Because it's alright for fighting - but it's also alright for looking super duper adorable. A perfect fall outfit - hopefully for a perfect fall evening.

Think....

Something new here.

Those Days...

There are days when I long for a moment of true Zen...

I write about those days here... Hope you all will check it out.

In other news... The diabetes meets spider bite rollercoaster continues. I finished up with the steroid cream for the bite - and reduced the gigantic basal rate - but I can't figure out what the hell is happening. I've had several in-ranges, a 28 mg/dl, a 210 mg/dl and a host of other bouncy sugars in the past couple of days.. Ack!

La La La

Yeah. I got bit by a spider yesterday. I still have the creepy crawlies. I ended up at the Urgent Care to get epi and antibiotic... These thing were given in my body's biggest muscle. And I'm not talking about my brain. Ack! Stingy. Ouch.

Steroid cream has calmed the rash on my leg from the allergic reaction, but my bloodsugars are being kept in line with a drastically increased basal rate and correction ratio. Ug.

New pump arrived this morning. I have been directed that I MUST send back both the broken 1800 and the 1700 that I had kept when they sent my upgrade. I'm not feeling confident, given the 1 month lifespan of my first 1800. Also, since my infrared adapter doesn't work anymore, I have to program everything by hand. Double Ug.

For those interested readers, a couple of new things here: Think On Things...

And although I have nothing new at Blogabetes, my fellow bloggers do - check them out, please... I'll be posting something new tomorrow.

Guess whose pump died?

Again.

The new one.

The upgrade.

That is one. month. old.

Gr.

This sucks.

And why exactly does my pump always decide to do this on the weekend?

I Run For Life

"They cut into my skin, they cut into my body, but they'll never get a piece of my soul."

This song, played at Making Strides in Providence today, is amazing. I'm sure many of you have heard it.

Bob and I talk often about certain artists that have voices that are rather otherwordly - not only that you know right away, but that touch something in your core. They are goosebump artists. Melissa Etheridge, in my opinion, is one of those artists. She clearly writes and performs from her heart - exposing her weakness, her strength, her everything.

This video isn't the best quality and you'll have to get over Oprah's little dance, but if you imagine this song playing as more than 10,000 people start out walking - running - for life, for those they'd lost - and those who still fight, for hope - you'll get an idea of the kind of day I had.

Inspiring. Beautiful. Exactly what I needed.

This Weekend is All About the Ta-Tas....

The boobies, the bazongas, the breasts.



A warm thank you to everyone who has supported my efforts so far - both online and offline.

If you can - and you haven't - and you want to - please consider making a gift to support my efforts in the fight against breast cancer with Making Strides Against Breast Cancer in Providence.

This year, I walk for my Aunty Kaye, who has been battling the disease for years. And for her daughter, who, we found out last weekend has waged her own war in silence and may be in the final throws.

Do it for the ta-tas.

Crashing Birds and Another Venue

As I readied for work this morning, I heard a loud "thump" coming from the living room. I recognized it as one of the wild birds that frequent our feeder crashing clumsily into our front picture window. It happens with some frequency, this kamikaze throttling. Thankfully, we’ve only had two birds actually die from their crashing into the glass - typically, they simply shake their stunned selves off and take to the skies again.

Traits of evolution and adaptation account for why birds fly into our windows. Birds don’t see things as we – and other mammals – do. Most have eyes set on either side of their head, to give them a wide field of vision – which helps them to see predators and survive. This advantage, though, comes at the expense of the depth perception that results from the overlapping fields of view produced by eyes that are narrow set. Because of their lack of depth perception, birds are unable to recognize reflections as such. They believe the reflections to be sky, clouds, trees, birdfeeders, or other birds and they believe they can fly into those things – or attack them, as the case may be. The way birds perceive color only furthers the trouble between these flying creatures and our windows. Colors are brighter and more intense seen through the eyes of a bird – so reflections don’t have the same muted, faded coloration that they have for humans and other mammals. To a bird, a reflection might have the same lifelike quality that a well-conceived and well-painted portrait has for us.

I thought of my bird friends and their window attacks this morning on my way to work. And I thought of how I am so much like them – in some ways. I mean, I’ve never walked into a window thinking I was headed toward something other than glass – but I’ve certainly spent parts of my life striving for things that, in the end, turned out to be stunning, disconcerting, disappointing, and unexpected. I’ve certainly flown like the wind toward something that looked attractive, beautiful, or threatening – I’ve flown toward those things with intensity – wanting to have them or to destroy them - and in the end hit my head – or my heart - on a figurative pane of glass. And, much like a bird who has already flown into a hundred windows or more, my very nature – the way I’m made – keeps me from learning my lesson. Over and over, I strive for the reflection - of myself, of the boundless sky, of a world that seems brighter and bigger and better, and I land up crashing – hard – into a boundary I couldn’t have fathomed.

I wish sometimes that I could change the way the vision of my heart works – that I could put up defenses against my own desire for more, my own natural tendency to see so much of the world, my own inability to know when something is not what it seems. And I wish, sometimes, that people would pull down the blinds of their hearts, and that ideas could shade themselves more effectively, making boundaries more clear to me, not tempting my crash into something I couldn’t see. My heart hurts from the bumping, thumping – and I fear, that one day, I’ll crash and not recover – that my heart will simply wither and cease to fly altogether. As much as I don’t like crashing, I believe that a critical injury that would keep my heart from soaring – and the inevitable and resultant shut down of my heart, would be far worse.

So, I’ll fly like the birds (What else would I do? Like the birds, it’s all my heart knows, that state of flight) – taking as much care as I can to shirk my natural and somewhat dangerous tendencies. I’ll do my best to look before I leap into something that might be simply an illusion. And when – (because it’s really not an if, it’s a when) – I crash, I’ll do my best to get up and fly again – and I’ll remember that unlike the birds – I get more out of the crashes than a stunned moment – I get a lifetime of experiences – both good and bad – that feed my soul.

****
This piece is a sample of what I'll be writing at a new venue - Think On Things . I'm keeping this place private - so, if you're interested - drop me an email or leave a comment and I'll add you to the readers list. I will need an email address affiliated with blogger to do this.

I'll be putting up meditations, thoughts, poetry, and other things there.

Also - if you're interested in writing a piece for the venue - philosophy, theology, poetry, short stories, anything that you don't want to put up at your blog or that you'd like thought/feedback on, are welcome - let me know and I'll add you as an author.

Posting Machine - Better Late Than Never - Word Geek

OK - so why didn't this make it to the blog back in July when I wrote it? Distraction? Idiocy? Who knows... But here it is now - for your reading pleasure....I even went back and found the relevant links so that it made sense...

Merriam-Webster just came out with its new word list...

Here it is:

1. agnolotti
2. Bollywood
3. chaebol
4. crunk
5. DVR
6. flex-cuff
7. ginormous
8. gray literature
9. hardscape
10. IED
11. microgreen
12. nocebo
13. perfect storm
14. RPG
15. smackdown
16. snowboardcross
17. speed dating
18. sudoku
19. telenovela
20. viewshed

If you go here, you can find definitions for all twenty "new" words.

I love - and I know you will too, Shannon and Kerri, that "smackdown" made the list. For those who have to refer to the link to get a definition - I'll use the word in a sentence (or sentences) - "Kerri laid the smackdown on diabetes during her recent rafting trip." and "Shannon lays the smackdown on grown men when she triathlons."

My other favorites this year: Bollywood, perfect storm, speed dating and sudoku.

I'm a sudoku maniac...

The word that was most jarring for me this year was IED - Improvised Explosive Device.

Oh, this list seems rather cheap though. Shall we try to use them all in a paragraph? Maybe not... But here's a couple of good opening sentences if we were to try:

I went to Bollywood last year, just after the perfect storm, where I met up with two ginormous speed dating freaks who were eating massive bowls of agnolotti. They weren't much fun, the two freaks, with their secretive ways, they went to the bathroom a lot too - like diabetics who liked to crunk. In the end, I decided that they must be secret agents with lots of gray literature about IEDs to discuss and I retired to my hotel to watch a telenovela and lay the smackdown on a five-star sudoku puzzle.

Demolition

I'm really not much of a poet... But I've had some lines running through my head and figured I'd try to use them. Since I know folks will ask - it's about the loss of a friendship. So here they are...

I built a shelter in my heart
Where you stayed with me on nights it was cold
You would lie beneath the blanket of my comfort
And take refuge in the words I spoke, soft and clear
The shelter constructed of shared experience and mutual respect,
Of support and dreams, it stood strong and inviting
Sometimes, you would stay for an hour, sometimes a day
And when we left to venture back into the stormy, dark weather of life
I didn’t weep, because I knew we would return
And when we did, I took solace in lending you my safe space

Though I knew you’d never stay for good,
I thought that I would always keep our shelter warm and ready
Assuming it was the one place where we were truly secure
Assuming you felt the same
Telling myself lies in the face of the obvious, painful truth
All for the sake of those hours I felt out of harm’s way
Realizing and ignoring that you took shelter where you could
That you found company and comfort where you could
That my words were nothing special
And your replies were never really mine

Even as you faded
Even as you waned
Even as you came less often and less open,
Those days I couldn’t bear to take down the walls of that place
I couldn’t think of letting my heart release you for good

But things have changed.
Now I believe you were never really as weak or as needful as you seemed
Nor as warm or as comforting as I had perceived you to be
It’s funny what people do when they feel cold
Searching for anything to provide warmth

You should never have stumbled into my shelter
I should never have opened the door

The Dear John Letter I've Always Wanted To Write

Over at Blogabetes today, I've written a Dear John letter. Yeah, I know you're curious. Just like me.

So - go check it out, will you?

What do you think?

Diabetes?




OR


Or maybe a little of both? Please check out my post at Blogabetes today - it was a hell of day.

Beautiful Dreamers....

Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top. - Virgina Woolf



My fellow dreamers. Please take a look at this post over at Blogabetes. It's about dreams and the effect? that bloodsugar level has on them.

Would love to see your thoughts and opinions!

Transformations...

What has diabetes done for you lately?

Are there pieces of yourself that without diabetes in your life, you may never have discovered or nurtured? Do your efforts at good control bring out sides of yourself that you didn't know existed - or that you had underestimated?

Please pop on over to Blogabetes - and take a look at today's post about the evolution of my Numbers-side...

Then tell me - there or here - what sides of YOU have popped up in relation to your having diabetes?

Looking for Some Parental Guidance

Not for myself, but for a friend.

Please take a minute to pop on over to Blogabetes and check out my post there. A friend of mine is in need of advice from my esteemed friends in the OC - especially from parents and people who've lived with diabetes since childhood.

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Saying Goodbye

I've written a few times here about my good friend Gertrude. This week, she turned 97. Before I met Gert, I'd never known or had the opportunity to really talk with someone who's lived that long. I am grateful to her for giving me a new perspective - for opening my eyes to struggles I had never known - for sharing her wisdom with me - and for appreciating what I brough to the table of our friendship.

This year's birthday wasn't exactly the happiest day.

About a month ago, Gert was hospitalized for anemia and dehydration. She spent two weeks in the hospital - getting thinner and sicker, despite the IV fluid and transfusions - by the day. After she was moved to a nursing home, the decline continued. Two weeks into the nursing home stay, she was moved back to Rhode Island Hospital, where it was confirmed that the colon cancer she has twice battled succesfully - has returned. Because of her age and how far the disease has progressed and because of how weak she's become and because of her wishes, it was decided that radiation and chemotherapy were not viable options. On Thursday, her 97th birthday, she was moved to a nursing home with a hospice staff.

I am struggling so much with how to go about saying goodbye to my friend. Although she has some very good days, days when I think she just might pull through this, I know that that's foolish thinking. I can see in her eyes, that she knows it too. And it is breaking my heart into a million tiny pieces. Many times in the past, when Gert has been sick, I was heartened by the look of sheer will and determination in her eyes. It was a look that said, "I'm going home from this place. I'm GOING to get stronger. I'm GOING to defy the odds." That look is absent this time. Her eyes tell me that she's tired, really-truly tired.

I suck at saying goodbye. It is just not something I'm good at. Especially now - with Gert. I feel like by saying goodbye, by letting my heart let go a little, by trying to come to terms with the world losing this wonderful soul, I am giving up on her. I am wrestling with two distinct, at-odds emotions - grief and guilt. Is it OK to grieve the decline, even though I feel like I'm quitting on my friend by doing so? Is it OK to prepare my heart for what will ultimately happen - or is this short-changing her strength (I mean, maybe she *will* pull through)? And how do I sit with her, holding those hands - so small, but that have held a whole world I'll never know -and not cry? How do I keep my emotions in check? How do I bring the most positive, strong energy I can to her when a piece of me is breaking inside?

This is not the first time I've lost someone. I realize that these are all normal emotions. But this time, this loss, feels so final. I have no grandparents left living - I have no great aunts or uncles. Gert has been a connection to the past that has meant the world to me. I see in her the same strength, born in hard-work and struggle, that I saw in my grandparents. I have found in her a connection to history. And she has inspired me to take advantage of my own ability to stay strong, to work hard, and to make the most of every able moment I get.

I know these next days - weeks - months? will be trying. I hope that I have the strength and the will to help my friend to stay as graceful and as steely as always as she makes her way onward. And I hope with all of my heart that she'll know, as she exits, what a difference she's made in my life.

Your good thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.

Diabetes and Napoleon Dynamite....

Just one more post over at Blogabetes for this week. Please check it out.

My several days worth of great bloodsugars took a turn for the worse last night into this morning and it rather threw me for a loop... Or took me for a crash. You know how that is - right?

I'd like your feedback here - too. I hope you'll all just see the posts over at Blogabetes as an extension of CuriousGirl. I'm proud to be a part of the team over there - sure, it's a paying gig (but trust me, I'm not quitting my day job) BUT the best part is - it allows me to do something that I love to do - to write - and to share honest, frank discussion about life with diabetes with people who understand it perfectly well - or who are interested in understanding it better. To me, it's just another addition to this amazing community. What are your thoughts so far?

Green-Eyed Monster...

My mother used to reference the green-eyed monster whenever one of us kids would covet what someone else had.

"Aw, look at that dog, they've got such a cool dog. Mom, I WANT a dog like that."

"Stop being such a green-eyed monster. Envy isn't attractive."

I wonder what my mother would think about my post today at Blogabetes. It's about how envious I am sometimes of people who have a working pancreas.

Would my mother tell me to stop being such a green-eyed monster? Or would she understand how I might look at a person with a normal-functioned metabolism and ache for a body that worked like that?

I hope you'll go take a look - what do you think? Should I stop coveting my neighbor's pancreas?

Overdose... And you called me what?

Holy, posting, Batgirl! I'm on a streak....

So - if you're down for a Nicole overdose this week, please take a jaunt over to Blogabetes and read about my recent conversation with the receptionist at my friendly diabetes supply company. I cannot believe she called me that!

In other news... My father's 60th birthday is next weekend... He's coming in from South Carolina and that's ALL I can say (shhhhhhh..... Don't try to get me to tell you more about my plans for that weekend!) I cannot wait to see him, as I miss him like crazy! So, this weekend will be spent preparing the house for both my dad's visit and the coming winter months. A few things to do in the yard, some closet cleaning and organizing, and other stuff... I am hoping that the manual labor will help me to continue the "I think I'm cured" great bloodsugar streak I've been having of late. I've had only three out of the 70-140 range bloodsugars over the past three days.

I've discovered this week, that there are fine lines in every life and that I'm not very good at walking mine. More about this in coming posts... Probably here - maybe a few over at Blogabetes....

That's as happy a face as you get....

That guy's doing a happy dance for me!

First - the comment capability is UP at Blogabetes. So - visit some posts and comment away!

Next - remember yesterday? Well - take THIS diabetes! Down with anxiety - up with good health! And with getting in even better health. Please - if you have advice or ideas on the goals I've set out - let me know!

Anxiety Inspired Writing

I am ANXIOUS about my endo appointment tomorrow.

I'm not necessarily in a bad way - just an anxious way, you know?

I have been having weird dreams focused around what I'll find out. I wrote an "ode" to these dreams over at Blogabetes. Please check it out!

Things are busy here. I am amazed at how distracted I've gotten and how much I've let things slide that I shouldn't have. I'm going to try to get some of them back on track - others, I'm going to abandon, because it's clear they're not doing me a lot of good.

I Think I Need to Find a New Grocery Store...

Back in July - I posted about some efforts I'd been making in the interest of improving my health and about an experience I had at the local grocery store. I've posted an update about the exercise and other business at blogabetes - here! Please check that out...

But for all the girls who were curious about my grocery store adventure... I think I need to find a new meat market... At least for my deli products... Last week, the deli counter was mobbed! I picked #422, they were serving #400. As most of you know, in deli time, 22 numbers is an eternity. So, I dug in my purse for Blue, my Ipod... And dug. And dug. He was nowhere to be found. Damn it... I pulled my cart back as far from the ant-on-attack-like crowd of deli product needers... And waited...

Then I heard someone say, "What number do you have?" I turned slightly.

A tall, rather cute, dark-haired gentleman stood there. "You don't remember me..." He remarked, "Still got that boyfriend?"

"422," I say.

"What?"

"Oh, I've got number 422... Um, and yes, I've still got a boyfriend."

"Too bad," he says, "I don't have a number, just thought I'd say hi."

"Oh, um... Thanks."

"See ya."

"Yeah." Blushing tremendously and shuffling my feet...

Now, anyone who knows me will tell you, I am not shy - some people might even say I'm a flirt. But the combination of rushed, nervous, impatient energy, and the return of my deli friend was all too much to take. I gave my number to the next person I saw at the ticket machine and went and checked out. I proceeded to the much less crowded, much more expensive local mom and pop deli counter, where I proceeded to spend the most rewarding $15.00 for $8.00 worth of deli products I've ever spent. I guess I need to further "ugly it up" for the grocery store. WTF?

Super Secret Plan - Revealed!!!!

The cat's out of the bag!!!!

And I'm so excited. I am honored that dlife has asked me to be a part of an exciting new project called Blogabetes. This super-secret project has been in the works for a bit now...



I hope you'll hop on over to my blog there to read - and maybe comment... Or just lurk... And I hope you'll check out the fabulous posts written by my Blogabetes colleagues. I am really honored to be counted among this amazing group of writers "telling diabetes like it is."



See you there....

Kerri Threw This My Way....

And I figured I'd catch it... Rather than catch up on my work....

So, thank you Kerri!

Total Number of Books Owned: Um, way way too many to count - hundreds? Maybe over a thousand? I have books still packed from our move last September - and I still have more than enough to read and re-read... Something about books - the way they feel and smell... It goes beyond the words for me. There's no feeling like being curled in a blanket with a good book.

Last book bought: I have purchased a kazillion books this summer... Probably to replace those that are still packed away. I think the very last one bought was Snow by Orhan Pamuk. A friend of mine recommended it - and I was able to find a cheap used copy - but I've not yet gotten around to reading it.

Last Book Read: The last book I read was The Girls by Lori Lansens. A good read. A little fluffy in places - but well-written and compelling enough for me to have gotten past that minor flaw.

Five Books That Mean a Lot to You: I would agree with Kerri there are SO many.

1. White Nights and Other Stories by Fyodor Dostoevsky - The opening line of White Nights is one of my favorites... “It was a wonderful night. The sort of night that can only occur when we are young, dear reader. The sky was so starry and bright, that one glance was enough to make you ask yourself: surely ill-natured and peevish people can’t possibly exist under a sky like that, can they?” Beautiful, isn't it?
2. The Treasured Writings of Kahlil Gibran and The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. Gibran wove Eastern and Western theology, a mastery of language, and a clearly active imagination into poems, stories, and philosophical meanderings that get me. Every. Time.
3. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott - I was two years old when my Aunt Kaye and my Papa presented me with this book for Christmas. I can remember at four or five, my mother reading to me from it. I so related to the characters in that book, though their lives were clearly much different than my own. This book taught me about how reading can take you away from the present time and place - and give you insight that you'd never get in the world of your own experience.
4. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold - The 'newest' - most contemporary? - book to make my list. This book made me ache - and the writing was amazing.
5. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein - This book makes the list because it reminds me - and will remind me always of the Clara Barton Camp. Imagine finding a world of company just when you really, truly thought you were alone. That's Barton. And this book played a central part in closing ceremonies. Every time I read it to my niece or nephews, I am reminded of friends for whom I'd do anything - and who'd do anything for me.

Best Five Books You Read in the Last Year:
1. Chances Are: Adventures in Probability by Michael & Ellen Kaplan - So surprised I got through it and need to read it again - but given the subject matter - an excellent book.
2. Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling - I loved this book and it only made me love the series more.
3. Shakespeare's Comedies edited by some guy whose name I don't know. Has Midsummer Night's Dream, Taming of the Shrew, All's Well that Ends Well - and a host of others. I know lots of people don't like reading plays - they like seeing them. But reading them is grand fun, when it's Shakespearean Comedy. The guy (whomever he was - have you seen that whole debate?) was brilliantly funny.
4. Goodbye Mr Chips by James Hilton - I found a very old copy of this in the basement of our new home and decided to read it... So very glad I did. Also came with lots of notes from Bob's granddad - which made it even better.
5. Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire - Yeah, yeah, I'm late to the game, but this was good.

So, I'm not tagging anyone in specific... All you readers out there - this is an open tag!

Adventures....

Well, sort of. Actually, not really at all. I wish.

Lately, life has just been life. Work is nutty. Meeting other obligations is nutty. Planning my father's 60th birthday party for the beginning of next month is nutty.

I have been a bad. Bad. Blogger. And I am very sorry.

Right now. I'm supposed to be working... So that's what I'm going to go back to doing...

But I figured I'd pop on and wish you all a happy "Talk Like a Pirate Day." Ridiculous. Aaaargh!

Before and After

Remember this day.

But LIVE in the after....

Take time to tell those you love that you love them. Make a difference. Do something. Be better.

New Banner - And Awareness

I love that the OC - and the bloggers who call this community "home" - are dedicated to their own diabetes self-management - and are aware of the medications, technology, and research that have made - and continue to make - our lives with this disease more manageable. We are lucky to have the resources it takes to live well with diabetes.

There are so many people, though, living with this disease, who are not so lucky. Their life circumstances keep them from learning of advancements - and poverty keeps them from being able to afford even the most basic diabetes treatments. Imagine having diabetes and not knowing what a glucometer is. Imagine having diabetes and not being able to afford insulin. Imagine having diabetes in a place where the nearest doctor is hundreds of miles away - and where your feet are your only form of transportation. Imagine the number of people who die everyday from undiagnosed diabetes because they, their family, and their friends lack awareness about the symptoms - or the number of people who die because they don't have insulin - or because they've been overcome by complications caused by years of inadequate medical care.

As you've imagined these things - they've been happening.

And it's time - again - for our community to step up and make a difference in the lives of people we don't know - and might never meet. You know we do it everyday as we support and advise each other - we have a chance, though, to impact the global community - and those who don't have access to this same level of support and advice.

I received an email this morning from the International Diabetes Federation. They've asked me to put a banner up on this blog - and to spread the word about the first United Nations-observed World Diabetes Day - to take place on November 14, 2007. The theme that's been chosen for this day of worldwide observation is - Diabetes In Children and Adolescents.

Some excerpts from the email follow -

It is estimated that over 200 children develop type 1 diabetes EVERY SINGLE DAY and there's no question that the disease often hits disadvantaged communities the hardest, and that children in the developing world can die because their parents are unable to afford medication. In many countries diabetes is still considered an adult disease and as a result can be diagnosed late with severe consequences, including death. Even after diagnosis many children experience poor control and develop complications early.

This is why one of IDF's key objectives for World Diabetes Day this year is to double the number of children covered by the Life for a Child Program. They also want to encourage initiatives that can help to reduce diabetic ketoacidosis (diabetic coma) and to promote the sort of healthy lifestyles which can prevent the onset of type 2 diabetes in children.

Here's what I request of our OC members. Please take a moment to check out the links below - and add a banner for World Diabetes Day to your blog sidebar.

A version of the diabetes circle, the icon used - and that can be seen on so many DOC websites - for the Unite for Diabetes Campaign has now been adopted for World Diabetes Day and the IDF has produced a number of web banners that you can view and download here.

We all know - we've all proven - that together, we CAN make a difference. I hope you'll consider being a part of raising awareness about World Diabetes Day - and this year's theme.