Knowing the answer to the above asked question is no, I suppose I'll just write things out - look them over and then move on with the day.
My incredible bouncing bloodsugar... Has put me in a bit of a tailspin. Started the morning low - rebounded over 200 - seemed to start coming down - then popped right back up again. Enormously frustrating... I really would just like to go back to bed - or not test for the remainder of the day. Perhaps ignorance IS bliss? Unfortunately for me, my compulsive nature won't let me either go back to bed or retire my glucose meter for the afternoon. So, I'll continue to test and continue to get angry and frustrated - thus pushing my bloodsugar up further, I'm sure.
I couldn't get in touch with my friend Gertrude this morning. She's 96 - I've written about her here before. She's a great lady - but she is in her own words "too old to be alive." I call her on a daily basis to check in - essentially, acting as her safety net - if or when (really) something does happen to her - at least I'll be there to help in one way or another. The whole prospect is rather depressing - given what is likely to happen eventually. So - when she doesn't answer the phone, I get panicky. I think about all of the horrible things that could have happened, I fret about how I'm going to make time to get to her house to check, I let my imagination run wild about what I might find when I get there. She didn't answer this morning. I tried before I left the house - then made a stop in before work. She was, this morning, simply sleeping very soundly - as a 96 year old woman is wont to do. But the whole incident left me feeling unsettled. I mean - that was today - but what about tomorrow? Can I really handle this responsibility? Well - you see where this is going... I'm doubting myself in a major way.
This will be me for some of this afternoon. I finished up a grant project I'd been working on early yesterday and handed it up the ladder here at work. I am just waiting on one more response before I have to make edits. I love some parts of the writing for these proposals - however, there are some parts I hate. Eyeing the first of the two sets of edits - I can see that there are more edits in the parts I hate sections than the parts I like. So - fun hours in store this afternoon. I really need to figure out where I want to be career-wise. I'm feeling slightly "trapped" at the moment.
And other things. Lots of them. Worries, weird dreams, a chaotic mind filled with all sort of stuff that I need to just breath away (if only I could). This day needs to end, quickly.
But not before I get a run or swim in - try to bring this bloodsugar down, figure out these edits on a 4:00 postage deadline - and just generally get my sh*t together. And, of course, not before I finish writing this post - which is how I've chosen to spend my lunch hour.
Now that you've all had a taste of my day. Tell me about yours.