After last night's little fiasco - read about that below - my bloodsugar first rebounded to 249 mg/dl (at 10:30 pm) - not high enough to call the doc per instructions, but high enough to correct. So I gave 2.95 units - and waited. At 11:30, feeling kind of cruddy, I retested - 312 mg/dl. Now, that was high enough to call the doc, but I figured, it's 11:30 and I don't want to call this late. So I corrected with a dose of 3 additional units (the pump minused out for insulin on board.)
At 3 am, my sugar rang in at a smooth 98.
At 8 am, I was 147 mg/dl - higher than my usual morning sugar, but I must say, I felt A LOT more comfortable giving the Symlin with my sugar slightly higher than normal considering what had happened last night.
I ate 42 grams of carbs at breakfast - a bowl of total and 1/2 a whole wheat english muffin with an egg white scramble. I gave 1.05 units.
After all this, I headed to work. I'm not feeling any nausea -- maybe a slight queasiness, but nothing really notable. I called the docs office, because I was feeling guilty about not having called about the 11:30 pm 312. As I suspected, he chalked the high up to a rebound from the severe low and confirmed that my correcting was right on the money... Well, alright. I also confirmed that ALL of my meal boluses are reduced - not just the ones at meals that I take with Symlin. He also explained that it may take a couple of days for my body to adjust and that I shouldn't be put off by the wonky sugars... OK...
At 9 am, 139 mg/dl - Well, that's alright.
At 10 am, 116 mg/dl - Still alright...
At 11 am, 201 mg/dl - Gave a correction bolus of 2 units...
At 12 pm, 248 mg/dl - Hmmmmmm...
I ate 15 grams of carb at lunch - only need .4 units of insulin for that - with the suggested correction bolus from the pump, my total lunch dose was 3.20 units.
At 1:30 pm, I was 218 mg/dl - going in the right direction... 2.15 correction suggested and given.
And, right now at 2:30 pm, I'm at 155. Since I'm only correcting over 200 - I get to leave this one be. Excellent.
Day two seems like it's progressing a little better. I'm concerned about the number of high bloodsugars I've had, but I imagine as I start adjusting to the drug and when they up my dose, these ought to come down some...
Now - if I only I can stop wanting to check my sugar every 3 seconds...
Some notes about being on a shot again.
It's not the needle itself that bothers me at all, in fact, I sat with my dad and stepmother this morning in a crowded breakfast room and gave my shot right there at the table. I've never struggled with hiding out in bathrooms or under tables to give my shots. It's the responsiblity of another medication - and one that's not a pill that I can put in a pill box. I have to carry the bottle and at least one - usually two or three - syringes and some alcohol swabs. It's a whole other set of "things" to add to the already too stuffed medication bag.
And - I'm deathly afraid of forgetting it. I guess I'll have to ease myself out of that; which will likely cause me to forget more readily - but I think it's got to be done.
I still can't believe I'm going to need to buy more syringes in a short while. I'm still going to reuse though - is it really THAT bad? Old habits die hard, especially when you're CHEAP, like me.
I don't think I'll get to post much this weekend - a wedding on Saturday (this ought to be fun) and a memorial service on Sunday... But I'll let you know how my first off-schedule kind of days go with the new pal-o-mine...
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Oi.
Tonight has been, in a word, scary.
I got home, determined to get the Symlin going.
A normal day for me has me giving about 20 units of basal insulin and another 10-15 of bolus insulin, depending upon my eating, stress levels, etc. The doc's recommendation was to cut my bolus doses back by 50%...
Sooo....
I got home from work, read for awhile, fed the cat, and pretty much did a million other things to put off the start.
Finally, around 7:30, I cooked a turkey burger with cheese, a whole wheat bun and some broccoli and peppers on the side, plus 4 ounces of grape juice for a total of 44 grams of carb - more than I normally eat for dinner. I wanted to have enough padding, in case -- you know?
My normal dose for 44 grams would be 2.80, tonight I gave 1.4 - and then I gave 5 units of Symlin.
You know when you sit just waiting for medication sometimes? That's what I did. Sitting on the bed, a copy of the Calorie King and the Bitch Posse beside me, The Office on television. Weird, though, I was waiting for the nausea - which, by the way, didn't come. What did arrive was a creeping, crawling, speeding freight train of a low bloodsugar. Before I knew it, I was fumbling my way through a test - and discovering a level of 24 mg/dl... YIKES...
Here's what happened next....
Stumble to the phone...
104503541326812 - first try...
1401894131464 - second try...
14018612233 - finally....
And the message "You've reached Dr. X's office, if this is a medical emergency press 6"
After a couple of false starts leaving a message, I press "6" and say "This is Nicole Purcell and my bloodsugar is 24..." And then I accidentally hang up, again...
I redial...
I press "6" and say "I'm sorry I forgot to leave my number here it is..."
I must tell you, I have an excellent doctor. By the time he called back, I had consumed 20 ounces of juice and my sugar had climbed to 58. I was more coherent, of course.
"Nicole?"
"Hi. Dr. H, I guess we might have miscalculated."
"Well, we cut you by 50% just to get you started. Tell me about tonight."
I recite "I was 101 at dinner. I ate 44 grams and gave 1.4 units."
"OK, so we cut you to 1 to 30 -- looks like we'll have to go to 1 to 40."
"And in the morning, I'm going to start at 1 to 50, OK?"
"Sounds good."
"Alright. Hey, the good news is, I didn't have any nausea tonight."
"That is good news."
"So, I hope I don't have to talk to you again soon."
"Well -- don't worry if you do. Don't hesitate even for a minute."
And that's what gives me piece of mind. Having a team that cares about me - with team members that answer the phone with their kids in the background and with a patience unmatched...
I got home, determined to get the Symlin going.
A normal day for me has me giving about 20 units of basal insulin and another 10-15 of bolus insulin, depending upon my eating, stress levels, etc. The doc's recommendation was to cut my bolus doses back by 50%...
Sooo....
I got home from work, read for awhile, fed the cat, and pretty much did a million other things to put off the start.
Finally, around 7:30, I cooked a turkey burger with cheese, a whole wheat bun and some broccoli and peppers on the side, plus 4 ounces of grape juice for a total of 44 grams of carb - more than I normally eat for dinner. I wanted to have enough padding, in case -- you know?
My normal dose for 44 grams would be 2.80, tonight I gave 1.4 - and then I gave 5 units of Symlin.
You know when you sit just waiting for medication sometimes? That's what I did. Sitting on the bed, a copy of the Calorie King and the Bitch Posse beside me, The Office on television. Weird, though, I was waiting for the nausea - which, by the way, didn't come. What did arrive was a creeping, crawling, speeding freight train of a low bloodsugar. Before I knew it, I was fumbling my way through a test - and discovering a level of 24 mg/dl... YIKES...
Here's what happened next....
Stumble to the phone...
104503541326812 - first try...
1401894131464 - second try...
14018612233 - finally....
And the message "You've reached Dr. X's office, if this is a medical emergency press 6"
After a couple of false starts leaving a message, I press "6" and say "This is Nicole Purcell and my bloodsugar is 24..." And then I accidentally hang up, again...
I redial...
I press "6" and say "I'm sorry I forgot to leave my number here it is..."
I must tell you, I have an excellent doctor. By the time he called back, I had consumed 20 ounces of juice and my sugar had climbed to 58. I was more coherent, of course.
"Nicole?"
"Hi. Dr. H, I guess we might have miscalculated."
"Well, we cut you by 50% just to get you started. Tell me about tonight."
I recite "I was 101 at dinner. I ate 44 grams and gave 1.4 units."
"OK, so we cut you to 1 to 30 -- looks like we'll have to go to 1 to 40."
"And in the morning, I'm going to start at 1 to 50, OK?"
"Sounds good."
"Alright. Hey, the good news is, I didn't have any nausea tonight."
"That is good news."
"So, I hope I don't have to talk to you again soon."
"Well -- don't worry if you do. Don't hesitate even for a minute."
And that's what gives me piece of mind. Having a team that cares about me - with team members that answer the phone with their kids in the background and with a patience unmatched...
Give Me an "S"
Today, I met with a very nice nurse at the Endo's office. My adventure with the mystery-substance pictured to the left shall commence either tonight or tomorrow morning.
Here's what the nurse and I discussed today. Things I knew that were reinforced/things I learned/things I'll need to do once I get started...
* Symlin is a synthetic version of the human hormone Amylin. Amylin works with insulin to control how quickly sugar enters the bloodstream from the stomach and intestines.
Generally, people who don't produce insulin (like some of us), don't produce enough amlyin at mealtimes. Taking SYMLIN replaces the absent or deficient amylin. (These things I knew, but it was nice that the nurse took the time to ensure that I understood them.)
*Symlin, because it helps the body to process food more slowly, can lower post-prandial peaks in bloodsugar.
* Symlin can promote weight loss both because it slows the digestion of food, which means you'll feel full faster and won't eat as much at mealtimes and because it changes the way the body processes food, which means you'll feel full for longer and should snack less. (To be honest, I'm still skeptical that this is going to work in terms of losing weight, and I said as much to the nurse. She replied saying that 95% of patients she's worked with have lost weight with Symlin.)
* At each meal that I take Symlin (breakfast and dinner), I'm required to eat a minimum of 30 grams of carbohydrate.... Hmmmm... This is more than I eat now. Hmmm... How, again is this going to help me lose weight? Also - what if, because of the way Symlin works (see bullet #2) I'm not hungry enough to eat 30 grams of carbs? Looks like I'm really going to need to be looking at some good whole grain options.
* I can no longer ignore feeling low because I'm busy. This was explained to me in very lecturesome detail by the very nice nurse. If you feel low, you MUST stop and test IMMEDIATELY. If you cannot do this, we cannot start you on this medication. OK - so I will stop to test if I feel even the slightest inkling of a low bloodsugar.
* I must continue to test bloodsugar at least 8 times a day. Not a problem, obviously, since I'm already doing it. I could tell, at this point in the conversation, that the nice nurse doesn't deal with a lot of people who don't have a problem with this little nugget of information. She looked a little shocked and checked my doctor-created bloodsugar spreadsheets three times before I think she really believed that I test that much.
* They're starting me on 5 units at breakfast and dinner. If I tolerate the one iffy side-effect - (now well-known in the OC - nausea) - they'll up the dose. I'll take no more than 10 units at breakfast and dinner.
* My basal rates have been adjusted slightly around mealtimes and my boluses at all meals and snacks have been cut by 50%. I am only to correct bloodsugar if it is over 200, though my correction bolus stays the same.
* I am to call the doctor's office on the emergency line if any of the following occur: a bloodsugar of below 75 or above 260, vomiting, or nausea that I cannot tolerate. If my bloodsugar is at 75 or lower, I am to treat as I am calling the doctor's office (don't wait for the call back to get the sugar in.)
* I am to email my bloodsugars to the nurse after two weeks - and I have an appointment with her two days later - we'll review what's happening with weight, bloodsugar, side-effects, and dose...
So there we go. Give me an "S" folks... As I get to playing ball...
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The "BUT-T" of it
I had an appointment with my Endo today. I wasn't surprised by and was thankful for an incredibly good A1C of 5.7.
BUT. There's always a but, isn't there?
I've only lost 6 lbs on the incredibly rigid diet I've been on for the past three months. I'm frustrated. I'm eating three small meals (read: 15-25 grams of carb in each and LOTS of fruits and vegetables) with two snacks and I'm not eating after 7pm. I've also been exercising, faithfully, at least three times a week. But I'm still not losing much weight - and, on top of that, my LDL is still high (120, which is nowhere near the 70 that my doc says I need to be at to avoid dropping dead of a heart attack at a younger age than I should.) Unfortunately for me, statins caused muscle deterioration and Zettia (drug of choice #2) causes pretty severe stomach cramping and other gastrointestinal issues.
There was much discussion. I could tolerate severe stomach cramping and other gastrointestinal issues if it meant I could potentially avoid a heart attack, right? So maybe I go back on the Zettia, along with the Welchol (another cholesterol med from a different family) I'm already on.
Well, the bottom line is, to avoid these kinds of alternatives, I need to drop the 30 or 40 extra pounds that are probably contributing to the high levels of LDL in my blood.
More discussion with the doc.
Maybe I just starve myself... Or maybe I sacrifice my good control to lose some weight.
As you might imagine, he rolled his eyes at some of these suggestions.
Finally, I asked, what about Symlin? And he said, actually that might be a very good option.
But I have zero problems with insulin sensitivity and my post-prandial sugars are well-controlled, I said.
But we both know that the drug is being abused as a weight loss drug in the diabetes-world, he countered.
I don't want to ABUSE a drug, I said, especially given my history.
If we use it properly, it will simply reduce your insulin needs and have the desired effect of weight loss, he said.
Hmmmm... I think I'd like to give it a go. I said. And I meant it.
I see his nurse on Thursday for my Symlin start. I'll certainly post here about it.
I'm very nervous for a number of reasons. With a history of eating disorder - what if this drug becomes a problem? What if I can't tolerate the nausea? What if it simply doesn't work - what if I'm just destined to be too fat for my own good? What if I just buckled down and tried to lose the weight through continued diet/exercise efforts? Is this just plain lazy?
Given that nothing else has helped - medicine for my thyroid, making BIG adjustments to my diet and exercise routines, getting in tight control while avoiding too many low bloodsugars... I'm feeling like this is my only option short of falling back into destructive patterns of behavior, you know? But it's a scary option.
My doc and I marvelled today that he and I rarely discuss my diabetes - outside of downloading and reviewing my bloodsugars and making tiny, tiny adjustments. We always talk about the other genetic/lifestyle issues that diabetes makes SO dangerous - and that I struggle with as much, if not more, than the disease itself.
More later.
Signing off from fat-land - Yours Truly, Chubby
PS (My sign off is just me being snarky, nothing more. Please don't read any mental health issues into it. I'm just frustrated - and my best reaction is to make jokes about it.)
BUT. There's always a but, isn't there?
I've only lost 6 lbs on the incredibly rigid diet I've been on for the past three months. I'm frustrated. I'm eating three small meals (read: 15-25 grams of carb in each and LOTS of fruits and vegetables) with two snacks and I'm not eating after 7pm. I've also been exercising, faithfully, at least three times a week. But I'm still not losing much weight - and, on top of that, my LDL is still high (120, which is nowhere near the 70 that my doc says I need to be at to avoid dropping dead of a heart attack at a younger age than I should.) Unfortunately for me, statins caused muscle deterioration and Zettia (drug of choice #2) causes pretty severe stomach cramping and other gastrointestinal issues.
There was much discussion. I could tolerate severe stomach cramping and other gastrointestinal issues if it meant I could potentially avoid a heart attack, right? So maybe I go back on the Zettia, along with the Welchol (another cholesterol med from a different family) I'm already on.
Well, the bottom line is, to avoid these kinds of alternatives, I need to drop the 30 or 40 extra pounds that are probably contributing to the high levels of LDL in my blood.
More discussion with the doc.
Maybe I just starve myself... Or maybe I sacrifice my good control to lose some weight.
As you might imagine, he rolled his eyes at some of these suggestions.
Finally, I asked, what about Symlin? And he said, actually that might be a very good option.
But I have zero problems with insulin sensitivity and my post-prandial sugars are well-controlled, I said.
But we both know that the drug is being abused as a weight loss drug in the diabetes-world, he countered.
I don't want to ABUSE a drug, I said, especially given my history.
If we use it properly, it will simply reduce your insulin needs and have the desired effect of weight loss, he said.
Hmmmm... I think I'd like to give it a go. I said. And I meant it.
I see his nurse on Thursday for my Symlin start. I'll certainly post here about it.
I'm very nervous for a number of reasons. With a history of eating disorder - what if this drug becomes a problem? What if I can't tolerate the nausea? What if it simply doesn't work - what if I'm just destined to be too fat for my own good? What if I just buckled down and tried to lose the weight through continued diet/exercise efforts? Is this just plain lazy?
Given that nothing else has helped - medicine for my thyroid, making BIG adjustments to my diet and exercise routines, getting in tight control while avoiding too many low bloodsugars... I'm feeling like this is my only option short of falling back into destructive patterns of behavior, you know? But it's a scary option.
My doc and I marvelled today that he and I rarely discuss my diabetes - outside of downloading and reviewing my bloodsugars and making tiny, tiny adjustments. We always talk about the other genetic/lifestyle issues that diabetes makes SO dangerous - and that I struggle with as much, if not more, than the disease itself.
More later.
Signing off from fat-land - Yours Truly, Chubby
PS (My sign off is just me being snarky, nothing more. Please don't read any mental health issues into it. I'm just frustrated - and my best reaction is to make jokes about it.)
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Today
Too many days thinking
Worrying
Taking my time and giving my all
And hoping
Too many times
Forgetting
Minutes and hours lost in a woozy wave
And resurfacing
Too much of my life
Working
Against and with a partner? I can't see
And managing
Too often
Cursing
The uncertainty, the unpredictability, the nonsense
And hating
Too long
Knowing
That I can only do so much
And living
Today is my Anniversary. Although I feel proud of the way I live with this disease, I still long to know what my life might have yielded without my having diabetes. That debate has certainly been had around the OC -- you know, "the would you choose not to have been diagnosed" one -- I just can't help feeling that, even with the lessons I've learned, this is an Anniversary that I certainly would rather not be marking.
Worrying
Taking my time and giving my all
And hoping
Too many times
Forgetting
Minutes and hours lost in a woozy wave
And resurfacing
Too much of my life
Working
Against and with a partner? I can't see
And managing
Too often
Cursing
The uncertainty, the unpredictability, the nonsense
And hating
Too long
Knowing
That I can only do so much
And living
Today is my Anniversary. Although I feel proud of the way I live with this disease, I still long to know what my life might have yielded without my having diabetes. That debate has certainly been had around the OC -- you know, "the would you choose not to have been diagnosed" one -- I just can't help feeling that, even with the lessons I've learned, this is an Anniversary that I certainly would rather not be marking.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Quick Update
Thank you for all of your warm wishes and prayers!
Daniel's two surgeries are completed. Next week, he'll be fitted for contact lenses designed for infant's eyes. Can you imagine? Contacts for an infant? The whole idea scares me quite a bit. As usual though, my brother is taking it in stride. The docs have warned that the baby may still have some serious vision trouble in the next few years -- they've described that his vision will most likely be akin to the way that someone without his condition would see underwater. But he'll be able to see and that's what counts.
I'd ask for your continued thoughts/prayers as we navigate the next few weeks.
Daniel's two surgeries are completed. Next week, he'll be fitted for contact lenses designed for infant's eyes. Can you imagine? Contacts for an infant? The whole idea scares me quite a bit. As usual though, my brother is taking it in stride. The docs have warned that the baby may still have some serious vision trouble in the next few years -- they've described that his vision will most likely be akin to the way that someone without his condition would see underwater. But he'll be able to see and that's what counts.
I'd ask for your continued thoughts/prayers as we navigate the next few weeks.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Worry and a Request
My brother and sister-in-law found out yesterday that their one month old son - my nephew - Daniel - has severe cataracts in both of his eyes.
The condition is rare, but treatable. They'll perform a surgery to remove the faulty lenses, but will be unable to replace them with the artificial lenses as happens with cataract surgery in adults. Apparently, infants have a greater tendency to reject the articial lenses. For the first several years of his life, he'll wear some sort of corrective lenses and he'll face surgery to remove scar tissue and replace the lens somewhere along the way. The first surgeries are scheduled for next Monday -- and if all goes well, the following Tuesday.
I have a great deal of respect for my younger brother - he is handling the situation, and his concern, with his usual calm, controlled, and positive attitude. This is of great help to his wife, her parents, and my parents who are all, understandably, beside themselves with worry.
I am asking for your help in sending some good energy our family's way. If you pray, we'd appreciate your prayers, if you don't, we're grateful for your positive thoughts and meditations.
The condition is rare, but treatable. They'll perform a surgery to remove the faulty lenses, but will be unable to replace them with the artificial lenses as happens with cataract surgery in adults. Apparently, infants have a greater tendency to reject the articial lenses. For the first several years of his life, he'll wear some sort of corrective lenses and he'll face surgery to remove scar tissue and replace the lens somewhere along the way. The first surgeries are scheduled for next Monday -- and if all goes well, the following Tuesday.
I have a great deal of respect for my younger brother - he is handling the situation, and his concern, with his usual calm, controlled, and positive attitude. This is of great help to his wife, her parents, and my parents who are all, understandably, beside themselves with worry.
I am asking for your help in sending some good energy our family's way. If you pray, we'd appreciate your prayers, if you don't, we're grateful for your positive thoughts and meditations.
Friday, May 12, 2006
More interview answers
Ack! I've fallen into the trap... Again, if you'd like to be interviewed, let me know. But, my new rule is that I shall not reinterview.
Kerri's questions:
1. Name two things you could do as a child but you can’t do now. Why don’t you do those things as an adult?
When I was a kid, I fully enjoyed running around naked. I have sort of funny proof, a recording which, my father, in his efforts to document my most embarrassing moments, transferred from Super 8 to DVD for everyone's viewing pleasure. The DVD shows a few hundred people at a family pig roast. The BBQ pit is flaming, there are kids playing ball in a field, moms and dads eating and drinking beer... And then you see me -- a little girl of maybe 4 running, stark naked, through the frame. Next, the camera shudders and shakes and you see my father in plaid shorts and a white t-shirt take off me, clearly displeased. Finally, you see my mother -- doing everything she can to stifle her grin, stepping into the frame carrying my sundress. My father does finally catch up with me and my parents dress me again. It's not the only documentation of my nudist habits. To be honest, I'd be happy to live my life naked. Alas, if I did the same thing at a cook out today people would be horrified and I'd get arrested.
I was also incredibly flexible and bouncy when I was younger. I could perform front and back handsprings, front flips with no hands, and I could do all three splits. I can still manage one split. The rest has been lost to my age -- and injuries. A broken wrist robbed me of the ability to do any kind of handspring. Last but not least, my fear of hurting something else makes it impossible for me to even attempt a handless front flip.
2. Martians have invaded your house and are demanding to be taken to your leader. Who would you take them to and why?
I'd take them next door to my neighbor Gertrude.
She's 95 years old. She's the oldest person that I know -- as a result, she has the most experience. She's lived through two World Wars, Viet Nam, Korea, the Depression, countless presidencies. She has voted in every election, including local elections, since the early 1940s.
She's been dirt poor. She worked until she was 75 and her husband got sick. She has faced and beaten cancer twice. She's had a child stillborn. She lost her father to suicide, her mother to a heart attack and all of her four sisters and brothers. She has known joy, love, pain, grief. She is also incredibly honest and not shy about sharing her point of view.
I believe that our world's true leaders are people like Gertrude -- people who have worked for everything they have, who've weathered the best and the worst of times, who remember what it was like to do without, to sacrifice, to fight, and who are candid in expressing their opinions and their emotions.
3. Fast Forward: You’re 82 years old. Someone asks you what life was like when you were 32. What do you tell them?
The World was scary when I was 32, but it was also wonderful. I lived with the love of my life, Bob, in a little house in Seekonk; we had a great cat named Rosie who talked and drank water from the sink. Bob played in a rock-n-roll band called The McGunks. I worked raising money for various organizations -- changing the world a little bit at a time. I felt pretty strongly the world needed changing.
In America, we'd weathered some rough times. Our president was completely ineffective, we were in the midst of one of the wars in Iraq, and at home, the Congress and President seemed to propose or pass frightening legislation everyday -- making cuts in programs that couldn't afford it, trying to take the easy way out of problems like the lack of healthcare and insurance and the depleting of social security funds and pushing policies that further marginalized communities who were already getting the short end of the stick.
Here and overseas, the potential of terrorist attacks loomed in the minds of everyone.
Oh, and I lived with diabetes back then. Of course, you know they cured that a long time ago. But then, I wore an insulin pump -- the latest in a line of new technologies that helped people to get good control of the disease and delay or prevent the onset of complications. I still test my bloodsugar occassionally, but that certainly beats the eight to fourteen times that were required when I relied on synthetic insulin.
I'll tell you more some other time. Right now, I'm going to have some tea and sit out on the porch in the sunlight.
4. What scares you to the very core?
Failure and the possiblity of losing my eyesight.
Failure covers a number of areas. My diabetes, my job, my relationships... I hate the idea that I might screw something up. I hate the idea of growing old and having nothing to show for it or having only a pile of regret to show for it.
The eyesight business stems mostly from the diabetes. This possible complication scares the crap out of me, because I consider sight my most important sense.
5. Why do you blog?
I blog to be heard. I blog because I think my perspective might help someone, might be valuable. I blog because I love to write and I think I'm pretty good at it. And, I blog because I value the community that comes along with blogging.
Kassie's questions:
1. You have $1000, 1 hour shopping spree. Where would you go, and what would you buy?
At the moment, I am obsessed with redecorating the house Bob and I are moving into this summer. So, I would first go to Home Depot and buy the paint we need, the supplies to paint with, and the hardware for the cabinets we're refinishing.
Then, I'd head to Linens and Things or another place for bedding/curtains and buy all new sheets, comforters, pillows, duvets and covers -- oh, and curtains and curtain rods and shower curtains and shower curtain rod.
Last, I'd head to Ikea and spend whatever was left on odds and ends and possibly furniture (it's cheap there.)
2. How would you describe a low in 10 words or less?
Drowning in confusion, my body numbs, later I don't remember.
3. Where would you most like to visit?
I would very much love to visit Ireland and Scotland again. There are no more welcoming places in the world for me. The people, the land, the castles and buildings, the history, the artwork, the wind and the rain and the shady sunlight. I miss them, even though I've only known them for a short time.
4. If you had 2 uninterrupted minutes to speak with the President, what would you say?
To be honest, I'd be reluctant to meet with the current President. I think it would be a complete waste of my time. It's not just that the man is not very bright (I mean, he is the "decider" right?), it's that I think his mind is as closed to new ideas, differing perspectives and opinions, and alternative ways of thinking as a human's mind can be. I would probably ask for two interrupted minutes with someone in power who might actually listen and care.
Having said that, if there was no other option, I'd take the two minutes to share as much as I could of my perspective on stem cell research and the importance of medical care for all people (I'd do everything I could to make him *hear* that people's lives are affected by his decisions and that these issues are of vital importance.)
5. You're in charge at Ben & Jerry's for the day: what flavor ice cream do you invent?
Chocoalmondzilla. That is, vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce and both white and milk chocolate covered almonds.
Kerri's questions:
1. Name two things you could do as a child but you can’t do now. Why don’t you do those things as an adult?
When I was a kid, I fully enjoyed running around naked. I have sort of funny proof, a recording which, my father, in his efforts to document my most embarrassing moments, transferred from Super 8 to DVD for everyone's viewing pleasure. The DVD shows a few hundred people at a family pig roast. The BBQ pit is flaming, there are kids playing ball in a field, moms and dads eating and drinking beer... And then you see me -- a little girl of maybe 4 running, stark naked, through the frame. Next, the camera shudders and shakes and you see my father in plaid shorts and a white t-shirt take off me, clearly displeased. Finally, you see my mother -- doing everything she can to stifle her grin, stepping into the frame carrying my sundress. My father does finally catch up with me and my parents dress me again. It's not the only documentation of my nudist habits. To be honest, I'd be happy to live my life naked. Alas, if I did the same thing at a cook out today people would be horrified and I'd get arrested.
I was also incredibly flexible and bouncy when I was younger. I could perform front and back handsprings, front flips with no hands, and I could do all three splits. I can still manage one split. The rest has been lost to my age -- and injuries. A broken wrist robbed me of the ability to do any kind of handspring. Last but not least, my fear of hurting something else makes it impossible for me to even attempt a handless front flip.
2. Martians have invaded your house and are demanding to be taken to your leader. Who would you take them to and why?
I'd take them next door to my neighbor Gertrude.
She's 95 years old. She's the oldest person that I know -- as a result, she has the most experience. She's lived through two World Wars, Viet Nam, Korea, the Depression, countless presidencies. She has voted in every election, including local elections, since the early 1940s.
She's been dirt poor. She worked until she was 75 and her husband got sick. She has faced and beaten cancer twice. She's had a child stillborn. She lost her father to suicide, her mother to a heart attack and all of her four sisters and brothers. She has known joy, love, pain, grief. She is also incredibly honest and not shy about sharing her point of view.
I believe that our world's true leaders are people like Gertrude -- people who have worked for everything they have, who've weathered the best and the worst of times, who remember what it was like to do without, to sacrifice, to fight, and who are candid in expressing their opinions and their emotions.
3. Fast Forward: You’re 82 years old. Someone asks you what life was like when you were 32. What do you tell them?
The World was scary when I was 32, but it was also wonderful. I lived with the love of my life, Bob, in a little house in Seekonk; we had a great cat named Rosie who talked and drank water from the sink. Bob played in a rock-n-roll band called The McGunks. I worked raising money for various organizations -- changing the world a little bit at a time. I felt pretty strongly the world needed changing.
In America, we'd weathered some rough times. Our president was completely ineffective, we were in the midst of one of the wars in Iraq, and at home, the Congress and President seemed to propose or pass frightening legislation everyday -- making cuts in programs that couldn't afford it, trying to take the easy way out of problems like the lack of healthcare and insurance and the depleting of social security funds and pushing policies that further marginalized communities who were already getting the short end of the stick.
Here and overseas, the potential of terrorist attacks loomed in the minds of everyone.
Oh, and I lived with diabetes back then. Of course, you know they cured that a long time ago. But then, I wore an insulin pump -- the latest in a line of new technologies that helped people to get good control of the disease and delay or prevent the onset of complications. I still test my bloodsugar occassionally, but that certainly beats the eight to fourteen times that were required when I relied on synthetic insulin.
I'll tell you more some other time. Right now, I'm going to have some tea and sit out on the porch in the sunlight.
4. What scares you to the very core?
Failure and the possiblity of losing my eyesight.
Failure covers a number of areas. My diabetes, my job, my relationships... I hate the idea that I might screw something up. I hate the idea of growing old and having nothing to show for it or having only a pile of regret to show for it.
The eyesight business stems mostly from the diabetes. This possible complication scares the crap out of me, because I consider sight my most important sense.
5. Why do you blog?
I blog to be heard. I blog because I think my perspective might help someone, might be valuable. I blog because I love to write and I think I'm pretty good at it. And, I blog because I value the community that comes along with blogging.
Kassie's questions:
1. You have $1000, 1 hour shopping spree. Where would you go, and what would you buy?
At the moment, I am obsessed with redecorating the house Bob and I are moving into this summer. So, I would first go to Home Depot and buy the paint we need, the supplies to paint with, and the hardware for the cabinets we're refinishing.
Then, I'd head to Linens and Things or another place for bedding/curtains and buy all new sheets, comforters, pillows, duvets and covers -- oh, and curtains and curtain rods and shower curtains and shower curtain rod.
Last, I'd head to Ikea and spend whatever was left on odds and ends and possibly furniture (it's cheap there.)
2. How would you describe a low in 10 words or less?
Drowning in confusion, my body numbs, later I don't remember.
3. Where would you most like to visit?
I would very much love to visit Ireland and Scotland again. There are no more welcoming places in the world for me. The people, the land, the castles and buildings, the history, the artwork, the wind and the rain and the shady sunlight. I miss them, even though I've only known them for a short time.
4. If you had 2 uninterrupted minutes to speak with the President, what would you say?
To be honest, I'd be reluctant to meet with the current President. I think it would be a complete waste of my time. It's not just that the man is not very bright (I mean, he is the "decider" right?), it's that I think his mind is as closed to new ideas, differing perspectives and opinions, and alternative ways of thinking as a human's mind can be. I would probably ask for two interrupted minutes with someone in power who might actually listen and care.
Having said that, if there was no other option, I'd take the two minutes to share as much as I could of my perspective on stem cell research and the importance of medical care for all people (I'd do everything I could to make him *hear* that people's lives are affected by his decisions and that these issues are of vital importance.)
5. You're in charge at Ben & Jerry's for the day: what flavor ice cream do you invent?
Chocoalmondzilla. That is, vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce and both white and milk chocolate covered almonds.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Score One for the Team
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
s 1955 Today!
Please head over to Kassie's blog today for information about s 1955, it is vital that our community -- and others -- oppose this Bill in every way possible!
It's going to be close and the consequences of its passing would be dire.
Noncompliant on s 1955 May 3, 2006
It's going to be close and the consequences of its passing would be dire.
Noncompliant on s 1955 May 3, 2006
Thursday, April 13, 2006
You Know Why?
Chicken Thigh.
I am more aware of my pump site today than I have been in the entire time I've worn a pump. The connector sits on my thigh, a white island in the sea of peachy skin that is my thigh. It doesn't hurt -- in fact, there's no discomfort whatsoever -- but it's more *there* than is usual.
I have always been a stomach and butt girl when it's come to my diabetes. For years, I insisted on giving my shots in those two areas -- and those two areas alone. My mother begged, pleaded, and bribed me into trying my arms and legs and hips, but when I did use them, it was infrequently and always very trying. I would work myself into a frenzy worrying about how much it might hurt, how the bruises might look, how much more the insulin might sting. So, naturally, when I got my pump, I returned to the areas that were most comfortable and over the past several years my poor stomach and butt have become a field of red dots that never seem to go away.
Then Julia posted this about her daughter and the need to try a new site. I guess it is both an advantage and a disadvantage to have one's own trials with diabetes, and one's own fears and worries about trying new things around the disease, posted on the internet. An advantage because you must realize that you're not alone when you read about your own misgivings in someone else's words. A disadvantage, because, if you're anything like me, you feel more compelled to take action when someone points out that the problem that you've been fooling yourself into thinking is really no problem at all is an issue that you must address.
Last night, I put my very first pump site into my thigh. I will admit that I worked myself into the usual frenzy, worrying about hitting something and hurting myself and stinging insulin -- and worrying about all the pump issues accompanying this new site -- Am I going to pull it out? Will this pose a problem getting dressed? Am I going to drop my pump in the toilet when I try to go to the bathroom? What about the gym?
My mind raced as I pressed the needle against my thigh and took a good deep breath. I was shocked at the lack of discomfort -- at the absence of pain as I pushed the needle through and secured the connector to my skin. And there was no extra insulin sting when I filled the cannula and when I gave my first bolus through the site. I slept through the night without pulling the site free and have successfully maneuvered the bathroom process without any floating pump issues.
Goofy as this probably sounds, I felt more proud of myself (related to my diabetes) today than I have in quite a long time. Once again, I muscled through anxiety and fear and I came out ahead of this disease.
I surprised myself... You know why?
Chicken Thigh.
I am more aware of my pump site today than I have been in the entire time I've worn a pump. The connector sits on my thigh, a white island in the sea of peachy skin that is my thigh. It doesn't hurt -- in fact, there's no discomfort whatsoever -- but it's more *there* than is usual.
I have always been a stomach and butt girl when it's come to my diabetes. For years, I insisted on giving my shots in those two areas -- and those two areas alone. My mother begged, pleaded, and bribed me into trying my arms and legs and hips, but when I did use them, it was infrequently and always very trying. I would work myself into a frenzy worrying about how much it might hurt, how the bruises might look, how much more the insulin might sting. So, naturally, when I got my pump, I returned to the areas that were most comfortable and over the past several years my poor stomach and butt have become a field of red dots that never seem to go away.
Then Julia posted this about her daughter and the need to try a new site. I guess it is both an advantage and a disadvantage to have one's own trials with diabetes, and one's own fears and worries about trying new things around the disease, posted on the internet. An advantage because you must realize that you're not alone when you read about your own misgivings in someone else's words. A disadvantage, because, if you're anything like me, you feel more compelled to take action when someone points out that the problem that you've been fooling yourself into thinking is really no problem at all is an issue that you must address.
Last night, I put my very first pump site into my thigh. I will admit that I worked myself into the usual frenzy, worrying about hitting something and hurting myself and stinging insulin -- and worrying about all the pump issues accompanying this new site -- Am I going to pull it out? Will this pose a problem getting dressed? Am I going to drop my pump in the toilet when I try to go to the bathroom? What about the gym?
My mind raced as I pressed the needle against my thigh and took a good deep breath. I was shocked at the lack of discomfort -- at the absence of pain as I pushed the needle through and secured the connector to my skin. And there was no extra insulin sting when I filled the cannula and when I gave my first bolus through the site. I slept through the night without pulling the site free and have successfully maneuvered the bathroom process without any floating pump issues.
Goofy as this probably sounds, I felt more proud of myself (related to my diabetes) today than I have in quite a long time. Once again, I muscled through anxiety and fear and I came out ahead of this disease.
I surprised myself... You know why?
Chicken Thigh.
What have you read?
A Book Meme from the OC. My appetite for books is actually showing through on this one...
Instructions: Bold the ones you've read. Italicize the ones you've been wanting/might like to read. ??Place question marks by any titles/authors you've never heard of?? Plus I'm adding this, as Turtlebella noted that the choice of books by each author is a mite idiosyncratic: put an asterisk if you've read something else by the same author.
Allcott, Louisa May Little Women
Allende, Isabel The House of Spirits
Angelou, Maya I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Atwood, Margaret Cat's Eye
Austen, Jane Emma*
Bambara, Toni Cade Salt Eaters?
Barnes, Djuna Nightwoodde?
Beauvoir, Simone The Second Sex
Blume, Judy Are You There God? It's Me Margaret
Burnett, Frances The Secret Garden
Bronte, Charlotte Jane Eyre
Bronte, Emily Wuthering Heights
Buck, Pearl S. The Good Earth
Byatt, A.S. Possession
Cather, Willa My Antonia*
Chopin, Kate The Awakening
Christie, Agatha Murder on the Orient Express
Cisneros, Sandra The House on Mango Street?
Clinton, Hillary Rodham Living History
Cooper, Anna Julia A Voice From the South
Danticat, Edwidge Breath, Eyes, Memory?
Davis, Angela Women, Culture, and Politics
Desai, Anita Clear Light of Day?
Dickinson, Emily Collected Poems
Duncan, Lois I Know What You Did Last Summer
DuMaurier, Daphne Rebecca
Eliot, George Middlemarch
Emecheta, Buchi Second Class Citizen?
Erdrich, Louise Tracks
Esquivel, Laura Like Water for Chocolate
Flagg, Fannie Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Friedan, Betty The Feminine Mystique
Frank, Anne Diary of a Young Girl
Gilman, Charlotte Perkins The Yellow Wallpaper
Gordimer, Nadine July's People?
Grafton, Sue S is for Silence
Hamilton, Edith Mythology?
Highsmith, Patricia The Talented Mr. Ripley
Hooks, Bell Bone Black
Hurston, Zora Neale Tracks on the Road
Jacobs, Harriet Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl
Jackson, Helen Hunt Ramona
Jackson, Shirley The Haunting of Hill House
Jong, Erica Fear of Flying*
Keene, Carolyn The Nancy Drew Mysteries
Kidd, Sue Monk The Secret Life of Bees
Kincaid, Jamaica Lucy?
Kingsolver, Barbara The Poisonwood Bible
Kingston, Maxine Hong The Woman Warrior
Larsen, Nella Passing
L'Engle, Madeleine A Wrinkle in Time
Le Guin, Ursula K. The Left Hand of Darkness?
Lee, Harper To Kill a Mockingbird
Lessing, Doris The Golden Notebook
Lively, Penelope Moon Tiger?
Lorde, Audre The Cancer Journals
Martin, Ann M. The Babysitters Club Series
McCullers, Carson The Member of the Wedding?
McMillan, Terry Disappearing Acts
Markandaya, Kamala Nectar in a Sieve?
Marshall, Paule Brown Girl, Brownstones
Mitchell, Margaret Gone with the Wind
Montgomery, Lucy Maudâ Anne of Green Gables
Morgan, Joan When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost?
Morrison, Toni Song of Solomon*
Murasaki, Lady Shikibu The Tale of Genji?
Munro, Alice Lives of Girls and Women
Murdoch, Iris Severed Head
Naylor, Gloria Mama Day
Niffenegger, Audrey The Time Traveller's Wife
Oates, Joyce Carol We Were the Mulvaneys*
O'Connor, Flannery A Good Man is Hard to Find
Piercy, Marge Woman on the Edge of Time?
Picoult, Jodi My Sister's Keeper
Plath, Sylvia The Bell Jar
Porter, Katharine Anne Ship of Fools
Proulx, E. Annie The Shipping News
Rand, Ayn The Fountainhead
Ray, Rachel 365: No Repeats?
Rhys, Jean Wide Sargasso Sea
Robinson, Marilynne Housekeeping?
Rocha, Sharon For Laci
Sebold, Alice The Lovely Bones
Shelley, Mary Frankenstein
Smith, Betty A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Smith, Zadie White Teeth
Spark, Muriel The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Spyri, Johanna Heidi?
Strout, Elizabeth Amy and Isabelle
Steel, Danielle The House
Tan, Amy The Joy Luck Club
Tannen, Deborah You're Wearing That?
Ulrich, Laurel A Midwife's Tale
Urquhart, Jane Away
Walker, Alice The Temple of My Familiar
Welty, Eudora One Writer's Beginnings
Wharton, Edith Age of Innocence
Wilder, Laura Ingalls Little House in the Big Woods
Wollstonecraft, Mary A Vindication of the Rights of Women
Woolf, Virginia A Room of One's Own*
Instructions: Bold the ones you've read. Italicize the ones you've been wanting/might like to read. ??Place question marks by any titles/authors you've never heard of?? Plus I'm adding this, as Turtlebella noted that the choice of books by each author is a mite idiosyncratic: put an asterisk if you've read something else by the same author.
Allcott, Louisa May Little Women
Allende, Isabel The House of Spirits
Angelou, Maya I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Atwood, Margaret Cat's Eye
Austen, Jane Emma*
Bambara, Toni Cade Salt Eaters?
Barnes, Djuna Nightwoodde?
Beauvoir, Simone The Second Sex
Blume, Judy Are You There God? It's Me Margaret
Burnett, Frances The Secret Garden
Bronte, Charlotte Jane Eyre
Bronte, Emily Wuthering Heights
Buck, Pearl S. The Good Earth
Byatt, A.S. Possession
Cather, Willa My Antonia*
Chopin, Kate The Awakening
Christie, Agatha Murder on the Orient Express
Cisneros, Sandra The House on Mango Street?
Clinton, Hillary Rodham Living History
Cooper, Anna Julia A Voice From the South
Danticat, Edwidge Breath, Eyes, Memory?
Davis, Angela Women, Culture, and Politics
Desai, Anita Clear Light of Day?
Dickinson, Emily Collected Poems
Duncan, Lois I Know What You Did Last Summer
DuMaurier, Daphne Rebecca
Eliot, George Middlemarch
Emecheta, Buchi Second Class Citizen?
Erdrich, Louise Tracks
Esquivel, Laura Like Water for Chocolate
Flagg, Fannie Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Friedan, Betty The Feminine Mystique
Frank, Anne Diary of a Young Girl
Gilman, Charlotte Perkins The Yellow Wallpaper
Gordimer, Nadine July's People?
Grafton, Sue S is for Silence
Hamilton, Edith Mythology?
Highsmith, Patricia The Talented Mr. Ripley
Hooks, Bell Bone Black
Hurston, Zora Neale Tracks on the Road
Jacobs, Harriet Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl
Jackson, Helen Hunt Ramona
Jackson, Shirley The Haunting of Hill House
Jong, Erica Fear of Flying*
Keene, Carolyn The Nancy Drew Mysteries
Kidd, Sue Monk The Secret Life of Bees
Kincaid, Jamaica Lucy?
Kingsolver, Barbara The Poisonwood Bible
Kingston, Maxine Hong The Woman Warrior
Larsen, Nella Passing
L'Engle, Madeleine A Wrinkle in Time
Le Guin, Ursula K. The Left Hand of Darkness?
Lee, Harper To Kill a Mockingbird
Lessing, Doris The Golden Notebook
Lively, Penelope Moon Tiger?
Lorde, Audre The Cancer Journals
Martin, Ann M. The Babysitters Club Series
McCullers, Carson The Member of the Wedding?
McMillan, Terry Disappearing Acts
Markandaya, Kamala Nectar in a Sieve?
Marshall, Paule Brown Girl, Brownstones
Mitchell, Margaret Gone with the Wind
Montgomery, Lucy Maudâ Anne of Green Gables
Morgan, Joan When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost?
Morrison, Toni Song of Solomon*
Murasaki, Lady Shikibu The Tale of Genji?
Munro, Alice Lives of Girls and Women
Murdoch, Iris Severed Head
Naylor, Gloria Mama Day
Niffenegger, Audrey The Time Traveller's Wife
Oates, Joyce Carol We Were the Mulvaneys*
O'Connor, Flannery A Good Man is Hard to Find
Piercy, Marge Woman on the Edge of Time?
Picoult, Jodi My Sister's Keeper
Plath, Sylvia The Bell Jar
Porter, Katharine Anne Ship of Fools
Proulx, E. Annie The Shipping News
Rand, Ayn The Fountainhead
Ray, Rachel 365: No Repeats?
Rhys, Jean Wide Sargasso Sea
Robinson, Marilynne Housekeeping?
Rocha, Sharon For Laci
Sebold, Alice The Lovely Bones
Shelley, Mary Frankenstein
Smith, Betty A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Smith, Zadie White Teeth
Spark, Muriel The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Spyri, Johanna Heidi?
Strout, Elizabeth Amy and Isabelle
Steel, Danielle The House
Tan, Amy The Joy Luck Club
Tannen, Deborah You're Wearing That?
Ulrich, Laurel A Midwife's Tale
Urquhart, Jane Away
Walker, Alice The Temple of My Familiar
Welty, Eudora One Writer's Beginnings
Wharton, Edith Age of Innocence
Wilder, Laura Ingalls Little House in the Big Woods
Wollstonecraft, Mary A Vindication of the Rights of Women
Woolf, Virginia A Room of One's Own*
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
More on S1955
Clearly, our phone calls and emails to our Senators has made some difference in the fight against this dangerous legislation.
You know how I know?
Because Senate leaders have pushed the vote on this bill back until after the Easter recess, because they don't believe they have the votes they need to pass S. 1955. Most advocacy based organiztions fighting against the bill (and for it) believe the vote will come early during the week beginning May 1st.
So, now's the time to continue the fight.
If you have not contacted your Senators, please do so now...
Information here.
Talking points here.
If you visit in person or want more information to send/leave with your Senators you can find that here.
Finally, if you've already contacted your Senators, please take a moment to forward this information to as many folks as you can and ask them to do the same.
You know how I know?
Because Senate leaders have pushed the vote on this bill back until after the Easter recess, because they don't believe they have the votes they need to pass S. 1955. Most advocacy based organiztions fighting against the bill (and for it) believe the vote will come early during the week beginning May 1st.
So, now's the time to continue the fight.
If you have not contacted your Senators, please do so now...
Information here.
Talking points here.
If you visit in person or want more information to send/leave with your Senators you can find that here.
Finally, if you've already contacted your Senators, please take a moment to forward this information to as many folks as you can and ask them to do the same.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Your Chance
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, health insurance companies in Massachusetts were under no obligation to pay for diabetes supplies - supplies like test strips and lancets, syringes and insulin. Because the cost of these items was astronomical, and because my parents weren't flush with extra cash, we made do. Other diabetics diagnosed before or during the early 80s, I'm sure, have similar stories to mine -- cutting test strips, both urine and blood strips into fours, wiping the tips of lancets with alcohol and using them multiple times (yeah, yeah, I know -- since that time, I've dropped the alcohol from that equation), sterilizing syringes in boiling water to get multiple uses from them.
At eleven years old, I was approached at an American Diabetes Association Family Weekend -- held at the Clara Barton Camp and asked to become a Diabetes Youth Advocate for the ADA's Annual Youth Congress held in Washington, DC. Interested as I was in issues around diabetes, and with a talent for and comfort with public speaking, I agreed to give it a go. Now -- this wasn't just a free trip to DC -- Youth Advocates were expected to advocate on a statewide level for diabetes-related issues and were expected to make regular appearances - in front of city groups, other kids with diabetes, etc year round. Additionally, I attended meetings at ADA headquarters in Framingham and volunteered at ADA events.
So -- I was introduced to diabetes issues early. I am proud to say that as a teenager, I helped to ensure that the Americans with Disabilites Act was passed and signed into law.
I was also part of the ADA team that fought for legislation that mandated insurance coverage for people with diabetes in Massachusetts. Youth advocates and their families and other people with diabetes and other chronic medical conditions fought to pass similar legislation in 45 other states.
Now -- it's your turn. The piece that follows is partly excerpted from an email from the American Diabetes Association. It discusses a bill that's in the United States Senate right now that, if passed, could have an impact on people living with type 1 and type 2 diabetes around the country. Please take a moment to read the piece, poke around and research a bit if you need to, and consider making a call to your U.S. Senators asking them to oppose this legislation.
With the help of thousands of Americans like you, the ADA has helped to pass laws requiring insurers to cover diabetes education, equipment, and supplies in small business health policies in 46 states. To date, our supporters have helped protect those 46 state laws from being rolled back by opposing misguided bills in state legislatures or by opposing AHP legislation in Congress.
Without question, these 46 state laws face their gravest threat yet from a bill in the US Senate.
S. 1955, also known as the Health Insurance Marketplace Modernization and Affordability Act, would not only allow the creation of AHPs that can skirt the 46 state laws for small business health plans, it would also allow all state-regulated health insurance policies to bypass those laws. This means that in addition to small business health plans, all state-regulated health insurance -- like individual policies, for example -- would also lose their guarantee of required coverage of lifesaving diabetes items.
Supporters of this bill believe they are helping more Americans get health insurance coverage. However, coverage under these policies either covers diabetes needs inadequately or prices them out of reach of many Americans if it covers those needs at all. In short, S. 1955 will be devastating for millions of people with diabetes across the country.
Despite a strong effort by Advocates from the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee members' states, S. 1955 passed in that Committee by a vote of 11-9 on Tuesday. Now this bill will go to the Senate floor for a vote. If there was ever a time for you to take action -- emailing your Senators, calling them, or visiting them -- this is it.
We strongly urge you to send an email and fax to your Senators at minimum (below). If you understand the seriousness of this situation and want to put up our best fight to preserve insurance coverage for people with diabetes, here's how you can help further:
Call your Senators:
This link will give you the phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses for your US Senators:
Call or email today!
You can find talking points regarding opposition to S. 1955 here:
Get talking points on what to say opposing S.1955.
Visit your Senators during their recess (it begins tomorrow afternoon):
You will need to call your Senators' District Offices in your State and schedule a meeting. You can find that information by clicking the link above for phone numbers/contact information and then clicking on your specific Senators name when you find it.
If you visit, bring this document to help with what to say, then leave it behind with the Senators or their staffers.
Call some friends and make an outing of it! I speak from experience -- you'll be amazed at how empowering it is.
Stepping down from Soapbox and returning to work now...
At eleven years old, I was approached at an American Diabetes Association Family Weekend -- held at the Clara Barton Camp and asked to become a Diabetes Youth Advocate for the ADA's Annual Youth Congress held in Washington, DC. Interested as I was in issues around diabetes, and with a talent for and comfort with public speaking, I agreed to give it a go. Now -- this wasn't just a free trip to DC -- Youth Advocates were expected to advocate on a statewide level for diabetes-related issues and were expected to make regular appearances - in front of city groups, other kids with diabetes, etc year round. Additionally, I attended meetings at ADA headquarters in Framingham and volunteered at ADA events.
So -- I was introduced to diabetes issues early. I am proud to say that as a teenager, I helped to ensure that the Americans with Disabilites Act was passed and signed into law.
I was also part of the ADA team that fought for legislation that mandated insurance coverage for people with diabetes in Massachusetts. Youth advocates and their families and other people with diabetes and other chronic medical conditions fought to pass similar legislation in 45 other states.
Now -- it's your turn. The piece that follows is partly excerpted from an email from the American Diabetes Association. It discusses a bill that's in the United States Senate right now that, if passed, could have an impact on people living with type 1 and type 2 diabetes around the country. Please take a moment to read the piece, poke around and research a bit if you need to, and consider making a call to your U.S. Senators asking them to oppose this legislation.
With the help of thousands of Americans like you, the ADA has helped to pass laws requiring insurers to cover diabetes education, equipment, and supplies in small business health policies in 46 states. To date, our supporters have helped protect those 46 state laws from being rolled back by opposing misguided bills in state legislatures or by opposing AHP legislation in Congress.
Without question, these 46 state laws face their gravest threat yet from a bill in the US Senate.
S. 1955, also known as the Health Insurance Marketplace Modernization and Affordability Act, would not only allow the creation of AHPs that can skirt the 46 state laws for small business health plans, it would also allow all state-regulated health insurance policies to bypass those laws. This means that in addition to small business health plans, all state-regulated health insurance -- like individual policies, for example -- would also lose their guarantee of required coverage of lifesaving diabetes items.
Supporters of this bill believe they are helping more Americans get health insurance coverage. However, coverage under these policies either covers diabetes needs inadequately or prices them out of reach of many Americans if it covers those needs at all. In short, S. 1955 will be devastating for millions of people with diabetes across the country.
Despite a strong effort by Advocates from the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee members' states, S. 1955 passed in that Committee by a vote of 11-9 on Tuesday. Now this bill will go to the Senate floor for a vote. If there was ever a time for you to take action -- emailing your Senators, calling them, or visiting them -- this is it.
We strongly urge you to send an email and fax to your Senators at minimum (below). If you understand the seriousness of this situation and want to put up our best fight to preserve insurance coverage for people with diabetes, here's how you can help further:
Call your Senators:
This link will give you the phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses for your US Senators:
Call or email today!
You can find talking points regarding opposition to S. 1955 here:
Get talking points on what to say opposing S.1955.
Visit your Senators during their recess (it begins tomorrow afternoon):
You will need to call your Senators' District Offices in your State and schedule a meeting. You can find that information by clicking the link above for phone numbers/contact information and then clicking on your specific Senators name when you find it.
If you visit, bring this document to help with what to say, then leave it behind with the Senators or their staffers.
Call some friends and make an outing of it! I speak from experience -- you'll be amazed at how empowering it is.
Stepping down from Soapbox and returning to work now...
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Oh, Julia
Of course I'm going to play along
List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.
Cheap Wine and Cigarettes -- Darkbuster. This song by local punk legends Darkbuster makes me think of summer and good times having a beer and (back in my b-a-d days) smoking a cigarette or three. Lately, I've been putting it on in the car.
Bridge over Troubled Water -- Simon and Garfunkel -- Because I'm trying to learn it for a talent show at work.
Shut Up (So I Can Love You) -- The McGunks. This is a song from my boyfriend's band The McGunks. My boy was singing it the other day and I can't get it out of my head now. Shameless plug -- The band will be playing in the WBRU Rock Hunt this Friday at Giza in Providence. Come on out and see them and you can get this -- and other -- songs stuck in your head!
Wonder -- Natalie Merchant. From the Tigerlily album. Natalie Merchant's voice is enchanting for me.
Here Comes the Sun -- Nina Simone version. This song is supposed to be a happy song, but Nina's voice makes it haunting.
You Suck -- The Murmurs. No one sounds prettier calling someone a FUCK than The Murmurs.
Weezer -- Beverly Hills... Mainly because I want to *be* the girl in the song that sings "Gimme... Gimme"
You can play along, or not, as you please.
List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.
Cheap Wine and Cigarettes -- Darkbuster. This song by local punk legends Darkbuster makes me think of summer and good times having a beer and (back in my b-a-d days) smoking a cigarette or three. Lately, I've been putting it on in the car.
Bridge over Troubled Water -- Simon and Garfunkel -- Because I'm trying to learn it for a talent show at work.
Shut Up (So I Can Love You) -- The McGunks. This is a song from my boyfriend's band The McGunks. My boy was singing it the other day and I can't get it out of my head now. Shameless plug -- The band will be playing in the WBRU Rock Hunt this Friday at Giza in Providence. Come on out and see them and you can get this -- and other -- songs stuck in your head!
Wonder -- Natalie Merchant. From the Tigerlily album. Natalie Merchant's voice is enchanting for me.
Here Comes the Sun -- Nina Simone version. This song is supposed to be a happy song, but Nina's voice makes it haunting.
You Suck -- The Murmurs. No one sounds prettier calling someone a FUCK than The Murmurs.
Weezer -- Beverly Hills... Mainly because I want to *be* the girl in the song that sings "Gimme... Gimme"
You can play along, or not, as you please.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Things About Me
Julia tagged me...
Four jobs I’ve had in my life:
1. Development Officer
2. Matron at the City Jail in Attleboro
3. Supermarket Cashier
4. Elderly Companion -- I hung out with a nice lady named Margaret (mostly for free)
Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Donnie Darko
2. Blue Velvet
3. Caddy Shack
4. The Breakfast Club
Four places I have lived:
1. Massachusetts
2. Rhode Island
3. Ireland (for a short while)
4. In a chicken coop... Actually, a little shack that used to be a chicken coop that my friend Bryan bequeathed to me when he moved to Wisconsin.
Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Law & Order: CI (Vincent D'Onofrio IS the sexiest man alive)
2. Medium
3. King of Queens
4. Freaks and Geeks
Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Las Vegas, NV
2. Myrtle Beach, SC
3. All over the state of Maine
4. Lake Winnepasaukee, NH
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Bread and bread dipper from Not Your Average Joe's and their Chipotle Chicken Salad
2. Shrimp -- doesn't matter how it's prepared.
3. Cheeseburgers from Michelletti's Restaurant with their homemade Clam Chowder
4. Boiled steamers with butter and steamed lobster with butter as a main course
Four websites I visit daily:
1. Boston.com
2. Google.com
3. Projo.com
4. Philanthropy.com
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Reading a book
2. Listening to my boyfriend's and other friends' bands
3. Cuddled in bed with the boy and the cat
4. Picking up my lottery winnings
I'm going to wait on tagging anyone...
Four jobs I’ve had in my life:
1. Development Officer
2. Matron at the City Jail in Attleboro
3. Supermarket Cashier
4. Elderly Companion -- I hung out with a nice lady named Margaret (mostly for free)
Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Donnie Darko
2. Blue Velvet
3. Caddy Shack
4. The Breakfast Club
Four places I have lived:
1. Massachusetts
2. Rhode Island
3. Ireland (for a short while)
4. In a chicken coop... Actually, a little shack that used to be a chicken coop that my friend Bryan bequeathed to me when he moved to Wisconsin.
Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Law & Order: CI (Vincent D'Onofrio IS the sexiest man alive)
2. Medium
3. King of Queens
4. Freaks and Geeks
Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Las Vegas, NV
2. Myrtle Beach, SC
3. All over the state of Maine
4. Lake Winnepasaukee, NH
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Bread and bread dipper from Not Your Average Joe's and their Chipotle Chicken Salad
2. Shrimp -- doesn't matter how it's prepared.
3. Cheeseburgers from Michelletti's Restaurant with their homemade Clam Chowder
4. Boiled steamers with butter and steamed lobster with butter as a main course
Four websites I visit daily:
1. Boston.com
2. Google.com
3. Projo.com
4. Philanthropy.com
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Reading a book
2. Listening to my boyfriend's and other friends' bands
3. Cuddled in bed with the boy and the cat
4. Picking up my lottery winnings
I'm going to wait on tagging anyone...
Friday, January 13, 2006
Battles with Insulin
I am ready to give my shot. I sit with the needle poised against my skin for at least 10 seconds. And slowly, ever-so-slowly, push the tip into my abdomen. The needle sinks like a toothpick into a warm cake.
Now comes the hard part.
I deploy the plunger, sending 6 units of beef/pork insulin through my skin and layers of tissue. And the burning begins. Burning like someone is holding a match to the site of the injection. As I pull the needle out, a dark red bubble appears and an itchy, bumpy rash forms around the bubble. It has been happening every time I give a shot for the past week, every single time.
My mother makes a note to mention the reaction I'm having to the endo that next time we go. That's nearly a month away and I'm not sure I can make it that long with burning bumpy bubbling rashes cropping up on my skin four times a day. My mother tries a number of remedies, hoping to alleviate my discomfort; calamine lotion, hydrocortisone cream, bacitracin ointment, cool tea bags (at the suggestion of my hippie Aunt Kay). Nothing works. In fact, the rashes seem to be getting worse, lasting longer and becoming more painful.
My appointment with the endo is moved up. We demonstrate the phenomenon for him. He pronounces, matter-of-factly, that I'm allergic to insulin.
"Allergic to Insulin?" My mother and I both ask the question out loud.
But I've had diabetes for two years, how can I all of a sudden be allergic to insulin? What does this mean? -- You can't take something you're allergic to -- especially when your reactions seem to be getting worse.
But I had developed an allergy to insulin; I was allergic to the medication that was keeping me alive. My doctor explained that although it was rare, insulin allergies happened now and again. He suggested we start two new bottles of insulin and document any reaction I might have. He told us to call back after two days.
Home I went for more burning and itching and bumps.
We went back to his office three days after that initial visit to meet with him and an allergist. The allergist explained that it was necessary to perform skin tests to determine what types of insulin caused a reaction and which reactions were least severe. From there, I would undergo something called "desensitizaion." Although no one took the time to explain the procedure to me, its name spoke two words in my ear... "No fun."
The skin tests were itchy and painful. My arms looked like they would have if I'd done the crawl stroke through a field of poison ivy. It was determined that I am least sensitive to the beef/pork insulin combination I'm currently taking.
The desensitization process was as unpleasant as it sounded to me that day the doctor mentioned it to me and my mom. Three days on a diabetes care unit with a micro-dose of insulin every half hour, the dose increasing in small increments with each injection. Blood draws every hour to prevent any onset of DKA or hypoglycemia that might result from the change in my regimen. I fought a little at the start; then realized these micro-doses didn't sting or itch -- and, if this worked, then maybe the burning and rashes would stop altogether. I trudged through like a brave little soldier -- feeling a bit like an overused pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game by the end of my four day hospital stay.
But my shots were more tolerable after that. And when human insulin was mass-marketed several years later, and I endured another desensitization process, the skin irriations nearly disappeared.
Here's the thing though, over the past few months, I've been developing reactions again. Some days my pump sites have been leaving huge bumps and I can't go more than a few hours without severe itching and burning at the site of the cannula, particularly if I'm giving a larger bolus dose. Plus, I don't exactly have a "rash," but my skin is a bit bumpy and pink around the areas where infusion sites have made their home.
When I called my current endo, he said he's never heard of an allergy to Humalog or Novolog Insulin. He suggested a few things to try with the infusion sites -- a different antiseptic solution, an adhesive remover, a cream that is supposed to reduce skin irritation associated with infusion sites... But -- I know what I'm feeling. I know what an allergic skin reaction feels like. And I'm pretty sure that's what's going on here.
So -- should I see an allergist? Should I go back to my endo and ask him to have another look at my diabetes history, particularly my experience with insulin allergy? Should I see an allergist and have him talk with the endo? At this point, I'm leaning toward the third option -- I think that sometimes, a doctor needs to speak with another doctor... Anyone else have opinions? Am I being paranoid/hypocondriacal here? Has anyone experienced insulin allergy -- in particular an allergy to Humalog or Novolog?
Now comes the hard part.
I deploy the plunger, sending 6 units of beef/pork insulin through my skin and layers of tissue. And the burning begins. Burning like someone is holding a match to the site of the injection. As I pull the needle out, a dark red bubble appears and an itchy, bumpy rash forms around the bubble. It has been happening every time I give a shot for the past week, every single time.
My mother makes a note to mention the reaction I'm having to the endo that next time we go. That's nearly a month away and I'm not sure I can make it that long with burning bumpy bubbling rashes cropping up on my skin four times a day. My mother tries a number of remedies, hoping to alleviate my discomfort; calamine lotion, hydrocortisone cream, bacitracin ointment, cool tea bags (at the suggestion of my hippie Aunt Kay). Nothing works. In fact, the rashes seem to be getting worse, lasting longer and becoming more painful.
My appointment with the endo is moved up. We demonstrate the phenomenon for him. He pronounces, matter-of-factly, that I'm allergic to insulin.
"Allergic to Insulin?" My mother and I both ask the question out loud.
But I've had diabetes for two years, how can I all of a sudden be allergic to insulin? What does this mean? -- You can't take something you're allergic to -- especially when your reactions seem to be getting worse.
But I had developed an allergy to insulin; I was allergic to the medication that was keeping me alive. My doctor explained that although it was rare, insulin allergies happened now and again. He suggested we start two new bottles of insulin and document any reaction I might have. He told us to call back after two days.
Home I went for more burning and itching and bumps.
We went back to his office three days after that initial visit to meet with him and an allergist. The allergist explained that it was necessary to perform skin tests to determine what types of insulin caused a reaction and which reactions were least severe. From there, I would undergo something called "desensitizaion." Although no one took the time to explain the procedure to me, its name spoke two words in my ear... "No fun."
The skin tests were itchy and painful. My arms looked like they would have if I'd done the crawl stroke through a field of poison ivy. It was determined that I am least sensitive to the beef/pork insulin combination I'm currently taking.
The desensitization process was as unpleasant as it sounded to me that day the doctor mentioned it to me and my mom. Three days on a diabetes care unit with a micro-dose of insulin every half hour, the dose increasing in small increments with each injection. Blood draws every hour to prevent any onset of DKA or hypoglycemia that might result from the change in my regimen. I fought a little at the start; then realized these micro-doses didn't sting or itch -- and, if this worked, then maybe the burning and rashes would stop altogether. I trudged through like a brave little soldier -- feeling a bit like an overused pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game by the end of my four day hospital stay.
But my shots were more tolerable after that. And when human insulin was mass-marketed several years later, and I endured another desensitization process, the skin irriations nearly disappeared.
Here's the thing though, over the past few months, I've been developing reactions again. Some days my pump sites have been leaving huge bumps and I can't go more than a few hours without severe itching and burning at the site of the cannula, particularly if I'm giving a larger bolus dose. Plus, I don't exactly have a "rash," but my skin is a bit bumpy and pink around the areas where infusion sites have made their home.
When I called my current endo, he said he's never heard of an allergy to Humalog or Novolog Insulin. He suggested a few things to try with the infusion sites -- a different antiseptic solution, an adhesive remover, a cream that is supposed to reduce skin irritation associated with infusion sites... But -- I know what I'm feeling. I know what an allergic skin reaction feels like. And I'm pretty sure that's what's going on here.
So -- should I see an allergist? Should I go back to my endo and ask him to have another look at my diabetes history, particularly my experience with insulin allergy? Should I see an allergist and have him talk with the endo? At this point, I'm leaning toward the third option -- I think that sometimes, a doctor needs to speak with another doctor... Anyone else have opinions? Am I being paranoid/hypocondriacal here? Has anyone experienced insulin allergy -- in particular an allergy to Humalog or Novolog?
Precursor
This is a precursor to a post that I'm in the process of composing.
Since I'm a queen dork, I keep up with words. I love them. I'm interested in the dictionary and I'm thrilled when the New Oxford American and Merriam Webster release their "new word" lists each year. Among the words added to the New Oxford American Dictionary in June of 2005 was the following: "diabulemia" - "the manipulation by diabetic patients of insulin treatments in order to lose weight."
Information about diabulemia is scarce. A Google search on the term brings up these:
Check at the very bottom of this article.
A slightly more in-depth look here.
It's easier for me to present you with the facts before I present you with my own story of hitting rock bottom and dealing with my bulemia and diabulemia.
When I was manipulating and skipping insulin doses to attain weight loss goals, there was no name for what I was doing. From just after my diagnosis in the early 1980s until two or three years ago when a new focus on eating disorders gave birth to a name for this dangerous practice, I knew girls and women who, like me, thought appearance was more important than health; thought that a slimmer figure was worth risking their lives. I am lucky; I was able to stop and I have not yet suffered complication consequences as a result of my dicey behaviors.
Is there a greater awareness of diabulemia now? Have any in the OC heard of the illness -- and did you know there was a clinical term for it? Do you think that the instensifying focus on poor control and resulting complications has reduced or has the potential to reduce incidence of the disorder?
Since I'm a queen dork, I keep up with words. I love them. I'm interested in the dictionary and I'm thrilled when the New Oxford American and Merriam Webster release their "new word" lists each year. Among the words added to the New Oxford American Dictionary in June of 2005 was the following: "diabulemia" - "the manipulation by diabetic patients of insulin treatments in order to lose weight."
Information about diabulemia is scarce. A Google search on the term brings up these:
Check at the very bottom of this article.
A slightly more in-depth look here.
It's easier for me to present you with the facts before I present you with my own story of hitting rock bottom and dealing with my bulemia and diabulemia.
When I was manipulating and skipping insulin doses to attain weight loss goals, there was no name for what I was doing. From just after my diagnosis in the early 1980s until two or three years ago when a new focus on eating disorders gave birth to a name for this dangerous practice, I knew girls and women who, like me, thought appearance was more important than health; thought that a slimmer figure was worth risking their lives. I am lucky; I was able to stop and I have not yet suffered complication consequences as a result of my dicey behaviors.
Is there a greater awareness of diabulemia now? Have any in the OC heard of the illness -- and did you know there was a clinical term for it? Do you think that the instensifying focus on poor control and resulting complications has reduced or has the potential to reduce incidence of the disorder?
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Miracles
It happened in summer. It was one of those hot days. You know -- the kind of hot days that make diabetes a real suckfest. It was the kind of day when you feel as if your body's pores are leaking sugar along with your sweat. I had to drive into Boston to give a lecture at Emerson College about Direct Marketing for non-profits. Leaving Providence, I was a little nervous -- but excited.
I cruised up 95 and onto 93... And I felt OK...
And then I got onto Storrow Drive and I started realizing how confused I was. It seemed as if the people around me on their daily commute were driving like idiots and the signs and landmarks I was looking for -- well, they just didn't seem to be there at all. I thought -- it's just your nerves -- just find your exit -- and find a parking space. You don't want to be late.
I got off Storrow, and by some miracle, I got off at the right place. But I could not find a parking space. If you have ever been to downtown Boston -- near the Commonwealth exit -- you can testify to the fact that even when your bloodsugar is perfectly fine, it is damned confusing. There are lots of strange alleyways and weird one way streets. Now, add a low bloodsugar. Now, add the fact that the person having the low bloodsugar is having a "stubborn moment" and has not yet tested... You've now got a person driving their car the wrong way down alleyways and one way streets and asking silly questions of passersby who think they're completely nuts.... And, oh, by the way, the person driving the car happens to encounter a Boston cop as they're exiting the wrong way down one of those one-way streets... Thankfully -- or maybe regretfully -- the Boston cop doesn't feel like enforcing the law that day.
Finally, I realize I am probably not going to make it to this lecture. Because, finally, I test my bloodsugar and have a reading of 26 mg/dl. Yikes. That's what I thought to myself. Yikes. I have nothing fast enough to treat this kind of bloodsugar in my car (read: a juice box and three glucose tabs are NOT going to do it.) I suck down the juice box and drive out to the nearest "main" street -- which, by another miracle, was Massachusetts Avenue. I see a sign for Trader Joe's in a row of houses to my left and I pull over into a T Bus stop space. I cross Mass Avenue, stumbling like a fool. I take an escalator DOWN to Trader Joe's. I marvel at how strange it is that there is a Trader Joe's in the basement of the people whose apartments are upstairs. I marvel at what I think is an absurd selection of food. I leave Trader Joe's -- nearly 20 minutes later -- with a quart bottle of 2% milk, a bag of Trader Reduced Fat Crunchy Cheese Curls, and a 4 oz bag of Jelly Beans (the last of that particular item in the store.) I find that my car is still outside -- parked totally illegally -- and that there are a number of people marveling at me as I get in it. It seems that the people standing around staring are also speaking a million foreign languages. The World is hazy and feels so far away.
I start driving -- and guzzling the milk -- and finishing the jelly beans and eating the cheese curls. I am covered in cheese curl orange cheese and I end up spilling most of the milk down the front of my shirt. I make it down Mass Avenue and somehow I found Route 93. I end up, by accident, driving to the airport. No, I am not kidding. I am at the airport, once again, parked illegally. I test again. I am only up to 39 mg/dl. I am scared. I have given no insulin in hours. I have shut my pump off. I am eating like a mad woman. All I have left in my store of weird food is a few sips of milk and some cheese curls... And my bloodsugar is NOT coming up fast enough.
So... what do I do? I drive out of the airport and get onto 93 -- then realize I'm going North and I want to be going South. I just want to GET HOME. I see an exit with a sign for gas on it and think -- gas, that means they have to have a food mart too, right? I am now frantic. My gas light is on -- both my car gas light and my body gas light -- the body gas light is tellling me "get more food now..." I find the gas station and the attendant food mart. Before I get out of the car -- I test again. 36 mg/dl -- what in god's name is happening to me?
I head into the store -- more stumbling than walking. I still have enough presence of mind to think, "I must look like crap." I run/stumble/walk to the back of the store and grab three 12 ounce bottles of apple juice. I also grab three 12 ounce bottles of fruit punch. I am going to force my bloodsugar up -- or, I think, with a little laugh to myself -- it may be the last thing I do... I mumble something about gas and bloodsugar and things to the puzzled clerk.
Sitting in my car in front of the gas pump -- after I've simultaneously pumped my gas and guzzled two 12 ounce bottle of apple juice, I am finally starting to feel halfway human again. I drink another bottle of apple juice. You can imagine how bloated and disgusting and strange I am. I give myself thirty minutes in front of that pump. The clerk is staring out at me. I can't even imagine what's going through his head. I test again. 92 mg/dl. Thank you, thank you. I'm crying like a child.
I head back to 93 -- get on -- headed South this time. And get myself going home. When I do finally reach my destination I am still weepy and when I'm inside -- I tell my convoluted tale to my boyfriend who listens patiently and frets with me about what could have happened, and why didn't I call (no cellphone and not one working payphone -- or so it seemed -- in the entire city of Boston), and why did I drive in that state (I still don't know), and why did it take my sugar so long to creep up (as yet unexplained -- even after I consulted my endo about it), and why and why and why? -- I test one more time 149 mg/dl before falling into a near-comatose sleep...
And I wake up the next morning -- by yet another miracle. And the sun is hot and melty in a new summer sky. And I am looking back on the day before and I am curious as to how in hell I am alive...
I beep in at a cruising sugar of 96 for the start of another day... Wondering how many more miracles I have and how many more I might need.
I cruised up 95 and onto 93... And I felt OK...
And then I got onto Storrow Drive and I started realizing how confused I was. It seemed as if the people around me on their daily commute were driving like idiots and the signs and landmarks I was looking for -- well, they just didn't seem to be there at all. I thought -- it's just your nerves -- just find your exit -- and find a parking space. You don't want to be late.
I got off Storrow, and by some miracle, I got off at the right place. But I could not find a parking space. If you have ever been to downtown Boston -- near the Commonwealth exit -- you can testify to the fact that even when your bloodsugar is perfectly fine, it is damned confusing. There are lots of strange alleyways and weird one way streets. Now, add a low bloodsugar. Now, add the fact that the person having the low bloodsugar is having a "stubborn moment" and has not yet tested... You've now got a person driving their car the wrong way down alleyways and one way streets and asking silly questions of passersby who think they're completely nuts.... And, oh, by the way, the person driving the car happens to encounter a Boston cop as they're exiting the wrong way down one of those one-way streets... Thankfully -- or maybe regretfully -- the Boston cop doesn't feel like enforcing the law that day.
Finally, I realize I am probably not going to make it to this lecture. Because, finally, I test my bloodsugar and have a reading of 26 mg/dl. Yikes. That's what I thought to myself. Yikes. I have nothing fast enough to treat this kind of bloodsugar in my car (read: a juice box and three glucose tabs are NOT going to do it.) I suck down the juice box and drive out to the nearest "main" street -- which, by another miracle, was Massachusetts Avenue. I see a sign for Trader Joe's in a row of houses to my left and I pull over into a T Bus stop space. I cross Mass Avenue, stumbling like a fool. I take an escalator DOWN to Trader Joe's. I marvel at how strange it is that there is a Trader Joe's in the basement of the people whose apartments are upstairs. I marvel at what I think is an absurd selection of food. I leave Trader Joe's -- nearly 20 minutes later -- with a quart bottle of 2% milk, a bag of Trader Reduced Fat Crunchy Cheese Curls, and a 4 oz bag of Jelly Beans (the last of that particular item in the store.) I find that my car is still outside -- parked totally illegally -- and that there are a number of people marveling at me as I get in it. It seems that the people standing around staring are also speaking a million foreign languages. The World is hazy and feels so far away.
I start driving -- and guzzling the milk -- and finishing the jelly beans and eating the cheese curls. I am covered in cheese curl orange cheese and I end up spilling most of the milk down the front of my shirt. I make it down Mass Avenue and somehow I found Route 93. I end up, by accident, driving to the airport. No, I am not kidding. I am at the airport, once again, parked illegally. I test again. I am only up to 39 mg/dl. I am scared. I have given no insulin in hours. I have shut my pump off. I am eating like a mad woman. All I have left in my store of weird food is a few sips of milk and some cheese curls... And my bloodsugar is NOT coming up fast enough.
So... what do I do? I drive out of the airport and get onto 93 -- then realize I'm going North and I want to be going South. I just want to GET HOME. I see an exit with a sign for gas on it and think -- gas, that means they have to have a food mart too, right? I am now frantic. My gas light is on -- both my car gas light and my body gas light -- the body gas light is tellling me "get more food now..." I find the gas station and the attendant food mart. Before I get out of the car -- I test again. 36 mg/dl -- what in god's name is happening to me?
I head into the store -- more stumbling than walking. I still have enough presence of mind to think, "I must look like crap." I run/stumble/walk to the back of the store and grab three 12 ounce bottles of apple juice. I also grab three 12 ounce bottles of fruit punch. I am going to force my bloodsugar up -- or, I think, with a little laugh to myself -- it may be the last thing I do... I mumble something about gas and bloodsugar and things to the puzzled clerk.
Sitting in my car in front of the gas pump -- after I've simultaneously pumped my gas and guzzled two 12 ounce bottle of apple juice, I am finally starting to feel halfway human again. I drink another bottle of apple juice. You can imagine how bloated and disgusting and strange I am. I give myself thirty minutes in front of that pump. The clerk is staring out at me. I can't even imagine what's going through his head. I test again. 92 mg/dl. Thank you, thank you. I'm crying like a child.
I head back to 93 -- get on -- headed South this time. And get myself going home. When I do finally reach my destination I am still weepy and when I'm inside -- I tell my convoluted tale to my boyfriend who listens patiently and frets with me about what could have happened, and why didn't I call (no cellphone and not one working payphone -- or so it seemed -- in the entire city of Boston), and why did I drive in that state (I still don't know), and why did it take my sugar so long to creep up (as yet unexplained -- even after I consulted my endo about it), and why and why and why? -- I test one more time 149 mg/dl before falling into a near-comatose sleep...
And I wake up the next morning -- by yet another miracle. And the sun is hot and melty in a new summer sky. And I am looking back on the day before and I am curious as to how in hell I am alive...
I beep in at a cruising sugar of 96 for the start of another day... Wondering how many more miracles I have and how many more I might need.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Further Commentary
Although I know that there is not much need for further commentary about the "Two Roads" discussion from Diabetes Talkfest , I thought I would post the following, because I believe it is relevant to the discussion.
I was reading People Magazine this week, and there was an article about Nate Berkus, an interior designer who survived the Tsunami that hit Indonesia/Thailand/Sri Lanka/India last year. He lost his long-time partner in the disaster and has spent the last year making an amazing physical and emotional recovery.
Toward the end of the article -- told in his own words -- he writes,
"These are my gifts, the gifts that I have paid a price for. While I would never have chosen to pay that price, these now are the gifts I could not live without."
The entire article is inspiring, but this quote sums up much of how I feel about my life with diabetes. There isn't much I could add to it... I just felt like sharing it.
I was reading People Magazine this week, and there was an article about Nate Berkus, an interior designer who survived the Tsunami that hit Indonesia/Thailand/Sri Lanka/India last year. He lost his long-time partner in the disaster and has spent the last year making an amazing physical and emotional recovery.
Toward the end of the article -- told in his own words -- he writes,
"These are my gifts, the gifts that I have paid a price for. While I would never have chosen to pay that price, these now are the gifts I could not live without."
The entire article is inspiring, but this quote sums up much of how I feel about my life with diabetes. There isn't much I could add to it... I just felt like sharing it.
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