Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Reflections...

Thanks to Kerri for the inspiration to write this post. What an odd year it's been - filled with up ups - and down downs. I can only hope the coming year will find me with strength enough to deal with the challenges to come - and peace enough to realize that my life presents me with much more true, utter joy than it presents me with challenges...

In January - just a month into this blogging business - I wrote about making it through another day: And I wake up the next morning -- by yet another miracle. And the sun is hot and melty in a new summer sky. And I am looking back on the day before and I am curious as to how in hell I am alive...

February found me lazy, and telling you about my torrid past: In a chicken coop... Actually, a little shack that used to be a chicken coop that my friend Bryan bequeathed to me when he moved to Wisconsin.

In March, as a community, we started a battle. I feel proud to have been part of the charge: When I was diagnosed with diabetes, health insurance companies in Massachusetts were under no obligation to pay for diabetes supplies - supplies like test strips and lancets, syringes and insulin.

By April, Julia's O had inspired me to try something new - and I had a moment of unadulterated pride in myself: I surprised myself... You know why? Chicken Thigh.

Then came May - when WE WON the battle we'd started back in March: Senate bill #1955 died today on a procedural vote.

Year #24 came in June like a Lion: Although I feel proud of the way I live with this disease, I still long to know what my life might have yielded without my having diabetes.

July found me outraged and sad: I cried today, because I know that roadblocks have been built on the paths to cures - I cried because I am tired of living with fear - I cried for myself and for my friend A, who uses a wheelchair in her fight against muscular distrophy, and my grandparents who died from complications of diabetes, and my grandfather-in-law who lives his life confused and broken, in a nursing home for people with alzheimers.

The heat of August brought me back to summers past: And there is a feeling too – a feeling that you want to stay right where you are forever – right in this moment – with the sounds and the smells all around. You’d rather be here than anywhere else.

And the cool fall wind - and September - brought me to a new beginning: We've spent the past week trying to settle into our new home.

Driving wind and rain in October, belted the trees - and whispered to me about how strong we all must be: All of them are whirling, like mad dervishes in the wind.

Although I spent most of November in a bit of a funk, the ghosts of my past helped me to realize how far I've come and how much I've grown: That strength that my disease has built in me - the strength I wouldn't have without it.

And finally in December, I reissued the challenge I've been issuing myself, my body, my diabetes, since I was diagnosed all those years ago: Dear 329, Game on - f**cko.

I'm looking forward to the year ahead. To reading about your trials and triumphs, to lending support when I can, and to continuing to be a part of this amazing community.

6 comments:

Kerri. said...

I really like this meme. It's amazing how many people have not only been blogging for a whole year, but how intriguing the posts are when they're all lined up with one another. Strange what smatterings we chose to represent the months. :)

Sandra Miller said...

Wonderful entries, Nicole.

Every one.

Look forward to reading many more.

Penny said...

Nicole,
I hope the year ahead is great (just like all of your posts)

Shannon said...

Hi :)

Just checking in to see how you're doing :)

Shannon said...

OK...these reflections were nice and all, but I'm tired of seeing this post every time I check in.

Post something new dammit! ;P

Nicole P said...

Shannon - I'm not being so much lazy, as I'm being busy. There are a couple of drafts that I've got - I promise to actually post them SOON. I have to tell you, I keep thinking about that rag tag band. Awesome. Nicole