My First Workout with Blue

Now, don't think I'm being rash, but I know You're My Boy Blue is going to be good for me.

He played me an excellent selection for exercise tonight - 40 minutes worth!!!

Because the Night - 10,000 Maniacs
Shook Me - ACDC
Girlfriend's in a Coma - Mojo Nixon
Closer to Fine - Indigo Girls
Piece of My Heart - Janice Joplin
Brown Sugar - Rolling Stones
Sunday Morning Coming Down - Kris Kristoferson & Steve Earle
I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett
One Bourbon, One Shot, One Beer - George Thorogood
Dance, Mother F-er, Dance - Violent Femmes

Now at this point, I could have stopped, but I kind of had to hear the whole next song... See this is why this machine is good for me... HAD TO HEAR IT...

Hard Rain's Gonna Fall - Edie Brickell

Blue and I are gonna be friends...

Now, please go to DTF and sign up. They're nice.

A Thank You and a Plug

This is me with my new Ipod Shuffle. It came with a card calling me "DTF Poet of the Year," which seriously made my awful day yesterday feel not so bad... OK - so I'm not looking all that hot - was just heading to get on the Elliptical Trainer - in total workout mode - but it's alright - because look at how CUTE my little Ipod Shuffle is. Sadly, I've not yet figured out how to make him sing...

EDIT: Still not singing, but he is configured and has a name... "You're My Boy Blue."

ANOTHER EDIT: "You're My Boy Blue" is singing. AWESOME. I <3 new toys.



So for those of you who don't know DTF is Diabetes Talk Fest - and they've got a great forum over there - which you should check out. Cool people, good conversation, a generally great place to be: Talk Fest Forum

The Forum held a poem contest recently - and I am honored that one of my poems was chosen from a field of amazingly funny, good writing...

Please go check out the forum - join - post... More networking fun for everyone.

An Update

Bloodsugar finally down to 139. Check

Excellent DOC friend emailed to give support re: Gert. Feeling better about the whole thing. Check

Deadline met. Check

Sh*t together. Yeah right... Not in less than four hours

So a little break. Right?

Can I have a break please?

Knowing the answer to the above asked question is no, I suppose I'll just write things out - look them over and then move on with the day.


My incredible bouncing bloodsugar... Has put me in a bit of a tailspin. Started the morning low - rebounded over 200 - seemed to start coming down - then popped right back up again. Enormously frustrating... I really would just like to go back to bed - or not test for the remainder of the day. Perhaps ignorance IS bliss? Unfortunately for me, my compulsive nature won't let me either go back to bed or retire my glucose meter for the afternoon. So, I'll continue to test and continue to get angry and frustrated - thus pushing my bloodsugar up further, I'm sure.

I couldn't get in touch with my friend Gertrude this morning. She's 96 - I've written about her here before. She's a great lady - but she is in her own words "too old to be alive." I call her on a daily basis to check in - essentially, acting as her safety net - if or when (really) something does happen to her - at least I'll be there to help in one way or another. The whole prospect is rather depressing - given what is likely to happen eventually. So - when she doesn't answer the phone, I get panicky. I think about all of the horrible things that could have happened, I fret about how I'm going to make time to get to her house to check, I let my imagination run wild about what I might find when I get there. She didn't answer this morning. I tried before I left the house - then made a stop in before work. She was, this morning, simply sleeping very soundly - as a 96 year old woman is wont to do. But the whole incident left me feeling unsettled. I mean - that was today - but what about tomorrow? Can I really handle this responsibility? Well - you see where this is going... I'm doubting myself in a major way.




This will be me for some of this afternoon. I finished up a grant project I'd been working on early yesterday and handed it up the ladder here at work. I am just waiting on one more response before I have to make edits. I love some parts of the writing for these proposals - however, there are some parts I hate. Eyeing the first of the two sets of edits - I can see that there are more edits in the parts I hate sections than the parts I like. So - fun hours in store this afternoon. I really need to figure out where I want to be career-wise. I'm feeling slightly "trapped" at the moment.

And other things. Lots of them. Worries, weird dreams, a chaotic mind filled with all sort of stuff that I need to just breath away (if only I could). This day needs to end, quickly.

But not before I get a run or swim in - try to bring this bloodsugar down, figure out these edits on a 4:00 postage deadline - and just generally get my sh*t together. And, of course, not before I finish writing this post - which is how I've chosen to spend my lunch hour.

Now that you've all had a taste of my day. Tell me about yours.

It must be that time of year

Another MeMe. This one stolen from Hannah...

Play along, people. I know you want to share.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Nicole
2. Nic
3. Coley

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
Three? Geez.
1. My eyes.
2. My lower legs
3. My ears (What? They're cute ears.)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
Only three?
1. My nose
2. My arms (although I would be sad if they left me)
3. My teeth

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Irish
2. Scottish
3. American

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Failure
2. Blindness
3. Letting myself be ignorant or apathetic

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Insulin Pump
2. Trusty Meter
3. Photos of my nephew

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. A very cool Pucci skirt that I got for CHEAP at a consigment shop in Providence
2. Bright Pink Top
3. Black Pumps

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICALS:
1. TTFA Putnam County Spelling Bee (listen to that soundtrack - so freaking funny)
2. Chicago
3. Camelot

THREE OF YOUR [current] FAVOURITE SONGS:
1. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - the Beatles
2. Marlena on the Wall - Suzanne Vega
3. Girl Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae
4. (Because I never follow the rules) Birdhouse in your Soul - TMBG

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Communication
2. Understanding
3. Humor

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS THAT YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE:
1. Eyes
2. Shoulders
3. Good bone structure
(A nice voice doesn't hurt, either)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Reading
2. Writing
3. Music

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Get out of here and do something
2. Drive to somewhere far away
3. Help the person currently jamming things in and out of the copier with their anger management issues.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Writer (duh!)
2. Professional Cat Walker
3. Monkey Trainer

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. California again would be nice
2. Ireland again would also be nice
3. NYC is ALWAYS nice

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Abigail
2. Madison
3. Lilly

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Fly (not in an airplane - like with a glider or parasail or something)
2. Live fully - love wholly - give everything I've got to make my life - and the lives of others around me - amazing.
3. Meet a monkey (yeah, I know)

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I like perfume. A lot. I love to smell nice - and I love it when people tell me I smell nice.
2. I have a TON of shoes.
3. I am hyper sensitive.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I think certain jokes are funny that many women don't.
2. I like climbing trees (which I guess could make me stereotypically a big little kid)
3. I'm pretty tough, and I know I can take a punch.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Vincent D'Onofrio
2. James Joyce
3. John Mayer
3.

Getting Across the Road

I met my dad, who's up from South Carolina, for breakfast today.

On the way home, I drove past a turtle in the middle of the road. I couldn't help myself - I had to get out and help the damn thing get across.

I should mention - when I was a kid, my cousin Michelle and I found a turtle on her front grass that had been hit by a car - but was still alive. The poor thing's shell was cracked into about thirty pieces. We forced my Aunt Mary to bring us, with the turtle, to the vet. There, the vet proclaimed the situation hopeless and put the turtle to sleep.

I couldn't let it happen again - could I?

I got out of the car - and realized how large this turtle is. And clearly it's a snapper - with its wide muscular neck and head.

I go back to my car and put on a sweatshirt I've got in the back seat. I'm going to move the turtle.

Shaking like a leaf, I position myself in back of the thing and try to pick it up as someone had shown me when I was a girl - hands toward the back feet, firm. The thing jerks its head out, snapping its whole body tight. Trying to keep my cool, I move my feet as fast as they'll carry me toward the nearby woods and stream. Then, the mouth opens, and the hissing begins, and it turns its had back toward my (thankfully) sleeved arm. Had I not known what was coming I would have dropped my "cute" little friend and high-tailed it back to my car. Instead, I moved even faster toward the woods - and placed the turtle as far back as I dare carry it.

It looks back at me as I retreat - still poised to eat my face.

The whole incident made me think of the way I am about my diabetes sometimes.


This morning, at breakfast, friends of my father joined us. I took out my pump to bolus for the English Muffin I'd eaten - and dad's well-meaning friend asked if I'd tested. I had, just before they'd arrived. She asked what my test was. 149, I said.

"OOOhhhh..." She remarked... Looking sorry. Looking like she felt terribly for me. I should mention, this woman's husband has type 2 diabetes and doesn't make much effort to control it.

I could have looked a lot like my turtle friend at that moment - I sure felt like him. Back off - go away - I'll bite you - I can do this MYSELF.

I guess it's like that here and there - I just want this disease to be mine. I don't want the assistance of others - however well-meant. I don't want the judgement of others - however justified or correct it might be.

I don't want pity - I just want to get across the road on my own.

You Should Do This!

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